The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have lost many of my resentments. I have found that getting even with people doesn't do any good. When we try to get revenge, instead of making us feel better, it leaves us frustrated and cheated. Instead of punishing our enemies, we've only hurt our own peace of mind. It does not pay to nurse a grudge; it hurts us more than anyone else. Hate causes frustration, inner conflict, and neurosis. If we give out hate, we will become hateful. If we are resentful, we will be resented. If we do not like people, people will not like us. Revengefulness is a powerful poison in our systems. Have I lost my resentments?
######ROSIE....oh i was the *queen of revenge*....cross me?? and i am gonna get you was my thought......oh don't get me wrong, when God is good enough to let me see someone who harmed me and is not remourseful, get their *karma* i am pleased.......however , i am more and more willing and ready to let the karma take care of them......i have gotten revenge and felt good, but looking back, i know that i am taking from me when i focus on them and their punishemnt.....oh sure, if someone damages me or my property, SURE i am going to sue them, i will demand recompense....but there are those instances where someone will harm me HAS harmed me, and there is no legal ramnifications....those ones????? i am learning to let go....let karma take care of them.....i do believe in my heart *what goes around comes around* i know when i *mess up* and i don't make amends--- i pay!!!! and because i am becomming more and more spiritually evolved to a higher plane, i get my *karma* faster because i *knew better*....so step 4...keep my side of the street as clean as possible.....make good karma over the bad......nursing grudges hurt me more than anything....if i cannot get remuneration/ amends i must i shall *let go, let God*......i don't want that crap eating at me like the cancer it is.....revenge now??? yeah, the temptation is there, and of course there IS a diference between defending my boundaries---seeking recompense , legally, for damage, sure, but to nurse grudges to dwell on getting even for those *can't sue over things*......let it GO.....the faster i let go the quicker karma can take over.......i know, i was there.....i hated my perp so bad, i cursed his soul....i dwelled on things i could do to him, fantasized about the torture i could do to him now as an adult!!!! now??? he is dead!!! and i am POSITIVE that he is reaping the karma he did to me. TEN fold!!!! God can take care of him WAY better than i......he is in hell, stepping on hitler's head!!! i am going to waste my time on someone whos name already got erased from God's book of life????? hell no!!! i am going to think about me/ things that are good/ things that NOURISH me, not deplete me........this last paragraph....*if we do not like people , people will not like us*.....there are PLENTY of folks, i flat DO NOT LIKE!!!!! they are just NON likeables!!!!!! i am pretty accepting/ pretty tolerent......but WILLFUL mean spirited/ evil acts??? no!!!! i don't have to be....i don't HAVE to like all people i know....but i MUST, to me, leave the *dislikeables* alone....it is not my right or business to harm them....i only make step 4 things for me if i do.....i have an older brother i cannot STAND!!!! but to harm him??? no!!! he is not worth the negative karma i would make for me!!! so what do i do???? i avoid the ones i do not like.....i keep them at a big distance.......i give them over to THEIR God, and i keep them out of my space!!!!!! that is what i do!!! it is a choice whom i like/ don't like.......for me i love the loveables.....i honour the honourables.....the rest???? i leave them alone!!!! give them over!!! walk away!!!!!
Meditation for the Day
It is not so much you, as the grace of God that is in you, that helps those around you. If you would help even those you dislike, you have to see that there is nothing in you to block the way, to keep God's grace from using you. Your own pride and selfishness are the greatest blocks. Keep those out of the way and God's grace will flow through you into the lives of others. Then all who come in contact with you can be helped in some way. Keep the channel open, free from those things that make your life futile and ineffective.Prayer for the DayI pray that all who come in contact with me will feel better for it. I pray that I may be careful not to harbor those things in my heart that put people off.
#######ROSIE.......ok, if someone i disliked was in a car wreck with no help, sure i would call 911.......i would do the humane thing by anyone except a child predator...i would do nothing for a child offender.....sorry, but that is asking too much of me!!!! i would not lift a finger to help a child predator!!!! i know my God understands!!!!! i am ok with my feelings about that.....but MOST folks??? even if i don't like them, i would do HAVE done the humane thing by them.....i just keep them at a distance as i do whats humane!!!!! i know God my ask me to help a person who is dislikeable...and i pray i am up for the task......i also know that my God is not going to ask me to do something i just cannot do......my stand on kid killers stays!!!!! i ask God to use me to bless the universe....i also know that he is not going to put me in evil's way....i have much more understanding about people now....i know there is a lot of pain and sickness in this world.....i was sick, VERY sick till i got into recovery, and i did crap i am not proud of...mostly against me!!! but nevertheless i did stuff i had to make amends for....but i never *did evil to a child*.....why??? because even tho i was very very sick...i was without a doubt a spirit of the LIGHT!!!!!! thats why!!! there is a HUGE diference between sick and evil!!!!! i trust my God to use me in ways for which i am able!!!!!
I certainly relate to the last part of your post. You and I share similar childhood experiences. You wrote: "i was without a doubt a spirit of the LIGHT!!!!!!" I had many doubts before recovery if I was capable of emotionally, physically or sexually hurting another child because my father did it to me, and my mother as well, minus the sexual abuse, of course. I kept hearing that statistic that "dysfunction breeds dysfunction, you have to get help so that you do not continue the cycle of abuse with your own kids." UGH! I have to say that I never discounted the fact that I "could" lose control, "snap," if you will, with all the right buttons pushed. Afterall, that is all I knew growing up, that is what I "learned." It was that hovering statistic that really pushed me into recovery, along with the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness in my life.
The imagery I created for myself, call it an immature form of detachment at that time, was that I always looked at myself as the only rose in the thorn bush. My family was a snarled, prickly mess, and there I was just trying to be beautiful person and grow. I never felt like I "fit in" with them. I always felt I was a good person, a good kid, and did not deserve what was happening. So when people asked about my family, that's what I told them. It summed up the the uglies without having to give too much detail at that time. That "good" inner feeling I had about myself is probably why I did report my father to the authorities at age 16 despite his high ranking position with the military. Of course the military shoved it under a rug. I was told directly, "Do you realize that your father can lose his job over this?" What??? You guys are worried about his JOB?! I was disgusted to say the least. BUT, I had the courage to stand up and say something about it. Even if I got shot down. I still had courage. And, that could have been my HP saying, you are a "spirit of the light." You are going to be just fine, trust me. I like that, very much. It makes sense to me. And, as always, thank you for sharing. I'm taking that line with me. :)
