Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Must do it for my kids and me
Post Info TOPIC: Must do it for my kids and me
nancyfrances


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 10
Date:
Must do it for my kids and me
Permalink  

I just recently found this website and starting reading and chatting.  I am the daughter of alcoholic parents - and they are children of alcoholics.  I married a heavy recreational drinker 18 years ago.  I have made myself sick - depression - hives, etc. - by trying to change my husband's behavior.  I just couldn't get it through my head it's how I handled the situation instead of trying to change him.  I am a very controlling person (I just figured that out).  In the last few years I have practiced detachment from my husband and it worked for a while - but now I have went backward again.  It has affected my children incredibly.  I kept telling myself that I was doing the right thing by staying in my marriage until they graduated high school.  But now I don't think that this was the right choice.  My one daughter suffers from depression and anxiety and I feel awful.  I'm sure it's the way she grew up in this household that caused it and I feel responsible.  If I had enough guts to leave or stay in Al-Anon years ago maybe things would have been different. 


I need help starting out.  Does anyone have any advice.  I know I need to attend meetings - but how do I handle myself at home.  Sometimes when my husband comes home drunk (which is often) I can't even be in the room with him to hear the same old stories again or hear his comments about how bad the kids acted, unsocial I am, or how dirty the house is.  It just drags me down.  Any ideas. 



__________________
nikkilou


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 196
Date:
Permalink  

Nancy,


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Nancy)))))))))))))))))))))<- big hug


I don't have any ideas right now I'm kind of down myself but just wanted to give you a big hug.


Stay on line and read the post Kathys has a great one a few down to all newbie read it.  Ithink you will like it.


NIKKILOU



__________________


Nikkilou
bubbles1990


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 408
Date:
Permalink  

Hugs(((((((((((nacey)))))))))))))) Glad you found us!!!

Hang in there and just keep coming back....

love ya bubbles123

__________________
bubbles123
canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2962
Date:
Permalink  

Sounds to me, just by coming here, and attending some Al-Anon meetings, you are wanting to "break the cycle", and that is a great thing....  I would simply encourage you to do "more of the same"...  post here, as often as you wish, and when you have stuff (fears, questions, experiences) on your mind..... Try to get to f2f Al-Anon meetings as often as possible, and share there.....  Read what you can - my highest recommendation is "Getting Them Sober", volume one, by Toby Rice Drews....


Way to go, for taking the first steps here...  you are on your way to the goals you are desiring!!


 


Tom



__________________

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
leo


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 999
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Nancy I think most of us on this site are control freaks it goes with the territory of being the responsible one all the time.  Keep posting to us whether you are having a good or bad day we are here for you.  Luv Leo xx

__________________
Karilynn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3656
Date:
Permalink  

(((((((((Nancy)))))))))),

Welcome home! Here you will find great strength, experience, hope, and laughter (which I still believe is the best medicine ) and an common ground.

The fact that you want help is a sign that there is hope for you. Remember that your recovery has nothing to do with your husband's, active or not. This is about getting you healthy and staying there. Do go back to the Big Blue Book and read the chapter on families and wives. You can read it online, just go to the AA website. I strongly suggest you read Lois Remembers too. It is very insightful.

Keep coming back to us.

Live strong,
Karilynn

__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
megan


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1161
Date:
Permalink  

I need help starting out.  Does anyone have any advice.  I know I need to attend meetings - but how do I handle myself at home.  Sometimes when my husband comes home drunk (which is often) I can't even be in the room with him to hear the same old stories again or hear his comments about how bad the kids acted, unsocial I am, or how dirty the house is.  It just drags me down.  Any ideas. 



Hi Nancyfrances


I can relate to hearing the same old stories over and over again.


Soon after i started alanon I learned to set boundaries at home.


When my A (husband of 14 years) was drunk I:


left the room


If he followed I locked myself in the bathroom and took a long shower. I have even slept in the bathroom.


left the house. I walked to the library or the mall or just anywhere.


Then I started to think, hey all this wasted time what do I WANT to do?
I started to mountain bike and started reading books again.


I spent whole days and evenings at the library reading.


 


Start taking care of YOUR needs and your childrens needs


 


welcome to YOUR recovery


Megan


 



__________________
Megan If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Must do it for my kids and me