I bumped into someone tonight that was a friend of mine afew years back.  Have you ever heard of the phrase, people are in your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime?  Well how true. 

(I met this person when I was single the first time.  My daughter was only 2yrs old and she and her husband were my nieghbors.  I quickly became friends with her and we hung out daily.  She had a daughter the same age and was a great help to me as a single parent.  After about 6ms of friendship, they introduced me to my now Ex A husband.   It was an instant attraction for me and him, or you could say he was drunk and I was lonely, go ahead and think the rest!!....Anyways, it was because of my A being so insainly jelouse of the time I spent with her and her husband that he would freak out on me.  Over time, she and I stopped hanging out, or if we did we would try and not talk about the shit that my A had done.  Bottom line, it was a fist fight between her husband and mine, who have known eachother for over 20yrs, a fight over me, My A acused us of having an affair.  Can you believe it.  So not true!!!  I do not believe in that kind of behavior, my first husband cheated on me and then left me for the other women and married her, when my daughter was 8ms old.....)

Well I saw her tonight, first time I have seen her in over 3yrs.  Was so wierd.  She knew that we broke up, but she is still angry at the fight and is not ready to let it go.  At first I thought I really missed her and her friendship, but after time I forgot about it.  Often wonder about her and her husband, how are they, then when I saw her tonight, came home, think about it, she is part of my past, she was a friend for a season.  Not a lifetime......

I have relived alot of my past lately,  almost a month ago now my A came to my house and was drunk.  Wanted to pick up our 2 children and drive with them.  I said NO!  Then for a couple of days I had to relive the destruction that his drinking caused and remember all the reasons why I left him.  I then bumped into him at the WalMart, he was all sorry and stuff about what had happened on the previous weekend, and said that I was a good mom for not letting him have his kids.  At the time he thought I was a F***ing B, but that comes with the crazyness.  Well where Iam going with this is......I thought I could handle the situation by myself, but it appears that without my Alanon friends I would be nowhere!....

I have been distant from my f2f meetings the past few weeks and then this past wed I met with my sponsor and went to a night meeting.  Was very powerful for me cause I have been acting like the "old" me.  Nasty and not nice to my kids, not nice with my boyfriend (16yrs AA recovery) and taking alot of stuff for granted.....After being with my sponsor and being at the meeting, I have been somewhat able to put things back into check.  I have gotten some great ideas from the MP here about different styles of letting things go and about praying to my hp.

Seeing this old friend tonight, it reaffirmed to me that GOD does work his magic every minute of the day.  I needed to be reminded that I do not want to move backward but forward.  That the old me is gone, I need to burn a candle to the past and LET IT GO!!  I can say hello to past friends but know that I have moved forward and dont have time to dwell in the past.  The topics the other night were step 1 and step 11 both of which I again needed to hear. 

I acted really poorly the last few days my boyfriend was in town, (he works away 21 days at a time) anyways, the old me surficed and it was terrible.  I did some really nasty things that I can not take back.  Acted very foolishly.  Of course said I was sorry and hoped that he would forgive me.  Which he has.  of course with condition that it will never happen again.

Alanon for me has to be a Lifetime.  I plan on learning and growing through the steps and know that people in this program with me will be in my life from one season to the next, for one reason or another and for my lifetime.

Thank you for helping me learn to live my life to the fullest everyday.

with love in my heart for every survivor out there.

be safe, be strong, be true to you.

Yvette

sunny1