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I have been known to criticize my husband's (AKA the "A") romantic style. Of course, my own expectations have NOTHING to do with it...
I got home from work before him yesterday, and there was a message from him. He just wanted to know if I got home safe, was thinking about me etc..
So I phoned him, he was on his way to pool league, and he sounded so... mournful? Longing? Sad? If you love an alcoholic, you know what I mean.
Anyhow, he phoned me several times through the night. (**Now the old me would be very suspicious, but that me has dissappeared**) I found it really sweet!
Next thing I know, he is home (and slightly inebriated), with a fresh hair cut (**more suspicion from the old me would have surfaced, but not with the new me**)
Of course, I find the new "do" incredibly sexy, and can't keep my hands off him! He has called all night, told me how much he loves me, and was truly genuine, what an aphrodisiac!
To make an incredibly intimate story short, I noticed a look of extreme sadness on his face, and asked him what on earth is wrong (**old me kinda surfaced here with some deep fear**)
He fell into my shoulders and wept. At first denying that there was something wrong, the intimacy of the moment opened his heart and soul, and he poured a deeply moving story about how he was drawn to a woman's house yesterday due to work, and it turned out to be the mother of the girl he was dating when we decided to get back together and make our marraige work (the mother did not know him before yesterday). That drew up some deep feelings, as he was at his all time low when he was dating this woman. He told me right out how incredibly blessed he feels. The last time he talked to this woman he was incredibly lonely, empty, and frightened. The revelation that he had his family waiting at home for him, and comparing it to where he was last time he thought of this woman, stirred up some feelings that he didn't know he had (gratitude, love, joy, contentment..)
Now he has me, his family, and life is so full.
So, in my husband's "un-romantic" style, he brought tears of gratitude to my eyes. I felt no jealousy, fear or mistrust. In fact, I was so touched that he has finally developed the trust with me to share those feelings... in fact, to even feel at all!
SO ladies, even if they are drinking still, there are moments of true romance. There were no flowers, no fancy dinner, not even candles. He brought me no gift, and didn't even hold the door. But let me tell you, last night was the most romantic night of our marraige!
AAWWWWW!!!!That is sooo sweet!! Methinks the new you is more appreciative of the little things that mean so much more than champainge (sp?) and flowers. I am sooo happy for you both!
I was brought up in a non-emotional family, maybe I should say non-demonstrative, but I always knew they loved me.
My hubby is the same. He doesn't say he loves me often, but does in the way he gets up in the morning and makes me coffee (I'm not a morning person!) He is VERY stingy with his $$, but suprised me with a beautiful computor chair he got at an auction. (I could just see the moth balls falling out of his wallet, TEEHEE). Ain't love grand!!??
What a nice story about love and your marriage. I can relate because my A is not the most romantic guy either, and I know his focus, drinking problem, story, etc. leave him feeling sad and unworthy, and not so much into the "take my wife out" mode; but he does love me with all his heart and he says nice sweet things to me sometimes, and it melts my heart and makes me glad I'm in this for the long haul.
Thanks for your post. I'm not the only one dealing with this stuff.
I disagree with you--I do think he brought you a gift---the best gift he could hdave possibly given you--himself--all of him--his vulnerability, his honesty, his love!!!!! How truly amazing and wonderful for you!
Those are the times that bring you so much joy, that we hang onto and they help us remember why we hang in there.
Your story was so beautiful--THank you for sharing and I'm so glad you had a great night!!!
Wow! Your post gave me hope right now. Thanks for sharing your ESH, experience, strenght and hope. I have goosebumps and am so happy for you! You deserve a change like this in your life. This is what I call miracles in progress. I am doing the happy dance now for you :) Keep us posted. Hope all else is well with you my friends. cdb :)
That's so great. See love blooms in unexpected places and at unexpected times. Forget the flowers, and all that. I agree with you that is romantic. How lucky you are! I'm happy for you.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I personally don't like flowers. They are often my husband's way to say I'm sorry for f'ing up and I just see them as a monument to bad behavior. Heartfelt apologies and sincere gratitude go a lot further in my book too. take care Aron--really nice story- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
Hiya Aron.... I'm glad that it "worked for you", and I truly am.... I share the following as MY experience of similar situations, and in no way to undermine yours....
For me, your post reminded me of the feelings I used to have when my wife came home drunk, and wanted to 'mend our relationship', or 'get physical', or 'take accountability of her actions'.... I hated it.... every last word.... The disease, in my humble opinion, is sooooo manipulative.... Part of what I hated is that she was "really saying" that she wanted things to remain status quo, she's GLAD that she can have her doormat husband at home, and that she can keep drinking and everything will be all right.... Of course she's quite capable of convincing me that she's gonna try, or she values me, or whatever...... Bottom line, my alcoholic was doing what alcoholics do - she was drinking, and protecting her ability to drink. Nothing more and nothing less.
Blech.... I really DO hate this disease....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Here is my experience of alcoholic romance for you. A couple of weeks ago my A was on a binge and it was my birthday. (a friend of mine reminded him otherwise I have no doubt that it would have just slipped by for him.) I was woken up at about 11pm by my dear A, he was out of cigarrettes and wanted to borrow my car, no arguments from me I left him in the kitchen having a snack and went back to bed. Off he went to the supermarket and was back within 10 mins and went home.
The next morning (my birthday) I got up to a beautiful bouquet of roses! It did feel like a very empty token to me but I thought it was nice effort for him and he probably felt good for doing it. Anyway when I saw him a day or two later,I thanked him for the flowers and he told me that he had "borrowed" the money from my purse and would pay me back for the flowers!
I was speechless! I seriously had nothing to say to that!
Hi Thanks for posting. Even though my husband is still drinking we hug every day even a couple of times during the day. It is good when they can trust you. Even though there are times he lies to me he does trust me alot more lately.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
, I noticed a look of extreme sadness on his face, and asked him what on earth is wrong (**old me kinda surfaced here with some deep fear**)
But let me tell you, last night was the most romantic night of our marraige! 
