The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am finding myself a little irritated this morning and feeling the need to share an old slogan with all of you. As part of a continuing Step 10, I find it important to look at my behavior as I relate to other people. Step 10 helps me decide if I need to make an amends and learn from my mistakes, or if I need to give myself a hug and say, "Congratulations, you did good!!!" As a side note, HP wants us to learn from the good stuff as well as the unfortunate stuff. One of my favorite slogans to help me appreciate this is, "If I am pointing one finger at someone else, there are three fingerspointing back at me!" That addage keeps me humble and remembering that what I accuse others of, may be something that is reflecting back at me. I need to take care of my own inventory and not resort to judging other people without judging myself. I remember before recovery how I put myself on a pedestal and took other peoples' inventory without looking at my behavior in a situation. Not any more. I step back from a situation think about the alanon principles before I become involved in something that I will need to make an amends to. Much Love to you all, SenoraBob
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Higher Power doesn't always wrap presents in pretty paper.
I love that one Bob, and attempt to use it for myself as well... The other one, that was explained to me, was the "gentle mirror" approach, whereby we want to be holding ourselves accountable for our own actions & behaviors, etc., but we also need to be reminded to be kind to ourselves.....
So many other slogans are helpful in this same area as well, in my opinion, as our own recovery and process of becoming honest (how can we be expected to be honest with others, when we are still learning to be honest with ourselves?) evolves....
Some of my very favorite slogans or sayings include:
I did the best I could, with what I knew at the time; The solution starts with me; Progress, not perfection;
Thanks for the reminder this morning.
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank you so much for this gentle reminder. It sure hits close to home. I find myself critical of others when I am in a bad mood, but I have to remember, they are human just like me, and I have just as many, if not more, faults of my own.
I have difficulty accepting that I have anything to do with some of the behaviors of others. My previous manager was physically abusive. He made the entire office unhealthy. I did point my finger at him, but he should have gotten my entire hand because it was all on him. The same with my father growing up. He beat my brother and I for not living up to his impossibly high standards. He is sick and I will not take any of the blame for his actions. I can point my finger right in his face because it was all him. No one is responsible for anyone's behavior and I find it rather ridiculous to accept any responsibility for being on the receiving end. I will call the police and let them face the consequences. I have never beat my kids so I can point my finger at him. I guess Lacy Peterson's parents shouldn't point their finger at Scott???? There ARE incidents when you have every reason to point and not have to look at yourself.
I also love that one senora bob :) Great post :) There is so much healing in making amends and in working on our own shortcomings. This program is afterall a journey and one I am proud to be on :) I am sure learning from both the good and unfortunate and am grateful for this program. I am giving myself a big hug today and hope everyone else does this too. Taking others inventory would be a good topic for a meeting as I remember when I first joined. Someone asked me if I was taking their inventory and I didn't know what the heck it was. LOL Now I know and and working to grow in my alanon journey day by day. Great post senora Bob! keep them coming :) your friend in recovery, cdb :)
Thanks for the reminder today. My husband and I were fighting today, and in the past I would have blamed it all on him. But today I realize that I had a big part in it too. And it was over and we were able to apologize and hug. Not an ideal marriage but a lot better than it used to be.
