I have been doing just that for about two months... I feel when the Tiger sleeps is when the monkeys prance.... you know? If I stop worrying will it happen? Then I think. STOP!! I know I have to be in today. I know I have to focus on me. I get caught up sometimes worrying, thinking, pondering... tomorrow. one week. one month. one year... ill even go so far as 5 or 10 or 25 years down the road .. its sick. thank God for Al-Anon to say STOP!!!

The Other Shoe to Drop from    worldwidewords.org  

don't know how reliable. but either way I loved this story:

"Its source would seem to be the following story. A man comes in late at night to a lodging house, rather the worse for wear. He sits on his bed, drags one shoe off and drops it on the floor. Guiltily remembering everyone around him trying to sleep, he takes the other one off much more carefully and quietly puts in on the floor. He then finishes undressing and gets into bed. Just as he is drifting off to sleep, a shout comes from the man in the room below: Well, drop the other one then! I cant sleep, waiting for you to drop the other shoe!. This may come from music hall or vaudeville, though it would seem that nobody has been able to tie it down more precisely."

HaHa. This makes me think about it.  Just waiting for it.. the bad news. so that you can move on with your life in a different direction... Is that okay? I don't think it's okay. what if it never drops. what if it drops in fifteen years and I missed all the beauty within the time.  That is horrible. I know what I need to do. I know I need to let go of the future which I truly have absolutely no control over and be in the present.  All i can do is pray for my HP to take away my worrisome attitude that never helped me in the past and is not helping me now and fill that hole with positive thinking in the present moment.  My life cannot rely on my AH's sobriety.  My happiness need to rely on my own health. 

thanks for reading. the sun is shining and right now is a good moment.