The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok, so this morning I'm having a crazy day at work when my cell phone rings from a unknown number. As this phone doubles as my work phone, I answer it. It's my husband (A) telling me he needs to go to rehab. I'm in the middle of my work day and thankfully I work in the social service field and my boss is an addictions specialist so everyone understands my plight. That being said....without anger I was able to assist him with the numbers he needed, let him make the calls and was able to detach! No blame, no screaming. Am I concerned about the bills he's not going to be able to pay this week or month, of course, but it's in my HP's hands. It will come. A half hour after his call iIgot a call for a response for the apartment. Please veryone pray as I felt that that was my HP intervening and that that financial stress would be off my back soon enough.
Ultimately though, I felt OK. He came to this decision on his own. Nobody (particularly me) forced him into it. Do I hope he gets it? Of course I do. I'm not banking on it. I will be OK on my own and this separation has taught me that. Do I have crappy days, yes but crappy days alone are better than crappy days with an A (my own personal opinion).
He called to ask if I would stand by him through this. I said I have never not stood by you through anything. Even in this separation I have stood by you. I have ceased enabling you and I will continue to do so. But I did ask, "when will somebody stand by me"? But I realize, I am standing by me. I am doing the best for me. I have to say I am even surprised by my own reaction to this....and it feels like I'm making some progress.
I am so proud of you! I pmed you just now and I was praying that you were getting back to your old self, taking care of you, and it sounds like you are certainly progressing. That is great about the response on the apt. and I will be praying for you.
You said "I will be ok on my own and this separation has taught me that" That is so true because you haved stuck to your boundries and stayed true to yourself. Good job Kim!
That's just awsome. I hope for his recovery as well as yours. You're so much stronger than I was when my A went to rehab. Just remember to take it one day at a time. Be extra good to yourself tonight. You deserve it.
Live strong, Karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
That's great news! Making the decision to go on his own is the best way. I pray that he is feeling some relief right now because he made that decision. I remember that feeling the few days before I checked myself in. For me it was a feeling of really letting go and handing it over. Hopefully he will open his mind, heart, and spirit to the program while he is there.
YOu are much stronger than I was, particularly the first time my A went to rehab.... I had tried, cried, pleaded for soooo long, that when she finally "gave in" to going, I did EVERYTHING. I made the calls, I made all the arrangements, etc., etc.... I was sooooo excited, as I had waited for this day for such a long time, and sobriety was "right around the corner"..... Alas, as it turned out, she was going to rehab, on that first attempt, for me, for the kids, and for all the wrong reasons.... She relapsed soon after she got out....
On the SECOND time, she said she needed help, and I handed her the phone number, and walked back upstairs. She made all the arrangements, this time by herself, and she is thankfully sober today, some 3+ years later...
Good for you on "no expectations" - that one hurt me - big time....
Let's hope he "gets it" this time, and kudos to you for obviously "getting it", with your recovery...
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Congratulations! You do sound very good! I know it is a relief to have your loved one go into rehab. I loved it because for that 30 day my a was in rehab I knew for a fact that he was safe. He too decided to put himself in, which I was extremely happy about! My a has slipped since being out, but he is back to working his program and has been sober a little over 3 weeks now. Things aren't perfect, but they are better!!!! If you keep your head about you and don't put too many expectations on him I know you will be extremely happy with the results--even if it is just you learning more through it.
I wish you all the luck and I will be praying for you.
I am happy for both of you. While rehab doesn't gaurantee sobriety, it is a start. At least they are in a place where it might sink in. That in itself is cause for hope.
As for you, for the next 30 days you can breath a little easier, knowing he is not getting himself into danger.
Take the focus off him, concentrate on you. His HP has his attention, give your HP yours. I truly hope this works out for both of you. Be good to yourslef while he is there. You are important.
