The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Honesty is stronger medicine than sympathy, which may console but often conceals. --Gretel Ehrlich
We owe our brothers and sisters in this program our honest feedback. And we need the same honesty from them. There are times in meetings when it would be easiest to give someone sympathy and privately mutter to ourselves, "He isn't facing the bitter truth." That sympathy avoids a confrontation, but it doesn't give the healing medicine of honesty. In the same way, we may long, at times, for someone to give us warm strokes, and what they give instead is a bitter pill.
#####ROSIE.....you know i think why i am advancing this well is my TOTAL....*cut to the chase* honesty....i let it ALL hang out...Bcuz i never know whom i am reaching, who ELSE has had my pain and was too afraid to share it, and maybe my gut wrenching shares will show folks that they are NOT alone and they will NOT be rejected.....i think total honesty is the ONLY way to fly......yes, when i share i CRAVE feedback...to know i exhist....to know that i am not alone....there is nothing worse than sharing your heart, and NOONE responds.....i cut my groups in half over this...here i am being TOTALLY honest and noone would give me any ESH back!!! that sucked!!!! so i have narrowed it down, to the groups where i can GIVE my honesty and RECEIVE it back!!!! i listen to others with loving detachment...and if i can give ESH, i do...and i *cut to the chase* tell it like it is....the truth DOES set me free.......i have addressed peoples posts if they are peeing and moaning about the same ole thing with NO offer of what solution do they have in mind...or what STEP they may be working....what parts of the program are they working to help themselves....YES i tell my pain!!! i let it ALL hang out.....but you can bet on each of my posts...even my *venting* ones, i give what ACTION i took or am taking to DEAL with this...........yes, i want warmth/ hugs/ encouragement/ support SURE i do!!!! and i know i can receive that AND get honesty....how do i know???? Bcuz i do it!!!!! i have empathy for ALL who suffer, and i let them know/ give them hugs/ encouragement...than its "ok, what step is needed here??" or "do you have a sponser yet???" but never be cold to someone's pain.....if they refuse to help themselves??? keep the pity stuff going???? i just "walk on by"......let it go.......work on me and offer esh to those who are trying!!! i guess the bottom line is the word "TRYING"
The most important thing we have to give one another is the truth of what we see and hear. We don't have to tell them what to do. We don't have to have all the right answers. But we do have the obligation to speak up about how things look to us. And we need to listen without defensiveness when others are honest with us.....Today, I will say what I see and hear. I will listen to other people's honesty with me.
#######ROSIE.....i give the truth based on my ESH.....what i did in same situation...or what i would DO. based on similiar situations....if i have nothing to offer (esh) than i listen with loving detachement and thank them for their open share.....SOMETHING to let them know they exhist....i do my best to answer as many posts of others than i can Bcuz i want the same!!!! to know SOMEONE gives a damn, and are willing to tell their "take on it" based on what they experienced.........no i don't have all the right answers, and in that case???? a simple "thank you, i am sorry you are feeling this..............."........when others give me ESH, i love it providing they don't "put me down...critisize me......etc" i guess that is cross talk.......if they are giving "straight up esh" w/out the putdowns and critisism and putdowns????? i am fine!!!!!!! i do believe that honestly and love and faith in things good, is the best way to shove it up the devil's nose.....thank you DONE
