The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Oh I have so much to share. I can say now that my marriage is going to survive and that I am truly grateful for this program.
I went to my home group last night. I have been to some great meetings, but last night takes the cake. I said in my last post that I have been thinking about my actions and attitudes and what I was willing to change. Well last night the meeting was on Anxiety/Fear and open if you had a burning desire. Well I was so ment to be there. The sharing was so wonderful. And my HP left me truly open to hear the words of my fellow members.
A few people started sharing on attitudes towards their active "A"s be it husband, wife, mom, dad, sister, brother, and how this related to anxiety and fear, and how they treat them when they are active. I was hit by the words of these peole and saw how judgemental and "high and mighty" with my "A" when it came to his using. And how I have been kicking him while he was down. Like making snide comments and just not accepting that he was powerless over this and just how much of a b***h I have been to him.
By the time the meeting was over with I was bawling. I spoke with my sponsor and then went home. It is a 5 minute drive to my house and I was still bawling when I walked through the door. I was so humbled by the awareness of my actions. He saw the state I was in when I came home and asked what was wrong. I have never left a meeting bawling before. So I told him about the meeting and what I was now aware of, and I made my ammends for the past few months of treatment towards him. This in turn led to a huge talk about what took place this weekend. We both spoke our piece about it. And I told him his anger scares me and where I stood, and where I stood on the whole pushing thing. I set the boundary and told him that no matter how mad he was there is never an excuse to go there, and that I refuse to live in fear of him, and how that isn't fair to the children, and that it will not happen again if he wants to keep us, and we talked about what actions he needs to pursue from here. I prayed about it last night and have prayed about it since then, and I feel at peace with how things have worked out.
I want to thank those who have been praying for me.
I am so grateful to you all, this program and my HP.
I have never left a meeting feeling so bad (awareness) and so good at the same time. I had a spiritual awakening, and it was so cool!
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Yeah!!!!! It is amazing when we discover how to take our own inventory. I did the same as you always pointing my finger at my A, especially when he was drunk and/or high. We have found a new peacfulness, as I have started to back off, he is recongizing his errors all by his big boy self. I still long for more from him, but I am learning to accept and be grateful for what I have right now. Prayer is an amazing thing, I found myself praying during my long commute yesterday morning. How easy it is to have a conversation with my HP. Do you read "The Language of Letting Go"? It helps me reflect on a daily basis. Hang in there you are doing great!!!!!
the comment about being all superior really hits home with me. I am soooo guilty of that type of behavior. I even asked our therapist "when do I get to be the bad one?" Glad your meeting helped you get back on track and led to good home discussions too. best wishes- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
of COURSE a marriage is worth fighting for and i do not want to play the devil's advocate, but did he begin meetings??? did he get a sponser????? my A was a REAL strong willed guy, and when he pushed me in the kitchen against the sink, i too, set boundaries, oh he cried....he promised NEVER again , Bcuz i too, warned him that that will NOT happen again......he did go to aa for a short while...than quit....than the verbal abuse started up again, than we were at a friends house and he got mad/ (drinking) and he shoved me......that was it....i was gone in about 2 weeks after that......
without the program they cannot *white knuckle* it...oh yeah, the tears and stuff flow, but they NEED the program....just like me, i am a codependent and acoa......if i quit the program i slip...i revert to old negative patterns......i am not on a *high horse* thinking i can do this on my own power.......i am in this program for life......and IF i ever marry again, first i won't marry any alkies or druggies...cause when they slip its BAD.......any slip is bad....i am in this for life.....and if i found someone in the al-anon or acoa program or coda, he would have to be a "lifer" we slip if we don't stay........
i listened to my X's tears and promises, and looking back, with no program we had no chance...
i hope i truly hope your EX gets into program sponser steps.......the works....w/out the program, there isn't much hope.......just my experience....rosie
Another miracle in progress :) Wow! I wish I would have read this sooner but I just did and your post and experience touched me. I am so happy for you and hope all is still well. One day at a time. Marriage sure taked work doesn't it? Doing somersalts just cause I am so happy for you! Hp is sure working in your life. your friend in recovery :) xoxoxo smoochies
