The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My hubby out of the blue Saturday Morning stated that his needs that I did not meet were being satisfied by some one no names mentioned. I was stunned!!! I didn't react just turned arround and continued on with what I was doing. I didn't really have much time to think about it until late Sunday night and by Monday I was obsessing. It sure doesn't take much a few words to catch me off guard and old habbits slip in. Well I worked my steps, journaled my feelings and so on and then later that night calmly went to hubby and asked him to get himself a bed for in the basement as I will no longer sleep with him and informed him that as soon as school was out that the kids and I would be moving out.
Well his face was totally blank and he was amazed to say the least. He confessed that he was manipulating me to get his way and it obviously did not work.
He knew that the 1 thing that I absolutly will not tollerate is another woman... I know he wanted a reaction that I did not give him but I think my program and restraint nocked his pants off...
I am ticked about the manipulation it is just SICK!! CRUEL and MEAN!! there is no excuse and I have been honest about my boundaries and I stick to them. I take my part in this I know that I am in survival moode and have a wall up and I am working on that but I have told him my feelings and about my behaviors. He is aware that his drinking is getting in the way of our relationship and constantly says he is disapointed in himself about the intamacy issues as he knows that were he sober more it would not be an issue for himself. I have no issue.. To go to this level is a low for him...
Just goes to show how far the disease will take our loved ones..
Way to go for NOT reacting to his crazymaking!! My sponsor reminds me, when I am dealing with my A, to see her with a big "SICK,SICK,SICK" stamp on her forehead....
Your story is soooooo representative of how crazy WE can make ourselves, when we try to make sense, out of nonsense..... I mean, what healthy person tries to manipulate a spouse by intimating that they are sleeping with somebody else??? Grrrrrr.
The thing we can continue to be thankful for, is look how far along we have come, thanks to our recovery programs.
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I am so impressed by the way you handled that .. I am not sure that I would have been so strong. Stay strong.. Stick with your boundries and dont back down..
Wow. Way to stick up for you. I hope that if my a ever starts with mind games like that that I can find the courage to stand up the way you did. You're right, what he did was sick, cruel, and mean. Sometimes there's a place for "survival mode".
Oh jj, I'm so proud of you! I don't know how I would have handled that. I admire you for keeping cool and working your program so well. Me? I still need a lot of work!! Communication isn't one of my strong points. Stay strong, my friend, Love TLC
