Well, my father now has a court appointed guardian. I participated in the hearing, spoke honestly, and left the results to whatever they would become. I feel good okay about my part in it.

I only spent a short time with family this weekend. While I can observe their often unreasonable behavior from the fringes now and not get overtly involved, it still surprises me how they can shake me on the inside. I often hear that the longest journey is from the head to the heart. My head gets it but my heart isn't comfortable with it yet. I know it takes time, and that I'll get there eventually.

I've been reading about assertive behavior. About how assertive behavior "enables a person to act in his best interests, to stand up for himself without undue anxiety, to express his feelings comfortably, and to exercise his rights without denying the rights of others." About how becoming able to do exercise assetive behavior increases self-worth. I can see how that's true. But I also tend to feel guilty when I do it...lol. I suppose that's normal to a degree.

My mother complained this weekend that she never gets to spend any time with me when I visit. Never mind that the reason for the visit in the first place had nothing to do with her, but with my father's court appointment. Or that I was there for less than 48 hours. Or that in that span of time I had dinner with her twice. Or that I need to be conscious of my mindset when I'm with her and limit myself so I don't get in over my head. I told her I was doing the best I could, and left it at that.

I suppose there's part of me that hopes someday she'll magically get a sense of perspective and stop envisioning herself as the victim under everyone else's feet. But she'll only get there if she wants to, and that's not my responsibility either. But that's where the guilt thing kicks in. I stood up for myself. I exercised my rights. I didn't deny her rights. But I still felt bad for that "look" she gave me just before she turned around and walked away. Perhaps practice makes this easier. Other things have gotten easier with time and practice. This probably will, too.

Kristen