The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Nice to have a place like this to turn to. I have been married 18 yrs. I have drank my share in times passed,but not anymore. I live with an alcoholic who doesn't want to get sober. I am 43 yrs. old and have already had cancer. I want to keep healthy so it never returns. My body is very different since the cancer. I don't feel good alot of times. I just don't want the party life anymore,but I feel like I am drowning in it because my husband still drinks and smokes and all his friends come over or he goes to thier house and I don't see him for hours. He is verbally abusive ,cusses all the time. Sometimes physically abusive but thats very rare. We have two teenage boys who are just starting to get brave enough to talk back to him and that scares me to death. I'm afraid they will make him mad and I don't know how he will react. They have never rebeled against him before. I told him he can't expect respect if he doesn't give it. I have tried so hard to get him to quit,of corse nothing works. He acts like I'm lying when I tell him how he acted. He may quit for a few days or a week,but that takes a BIG fight for that to happen.Then he always starts back,promising never to act bad again,but always does. He is a hard worker. He always goes to work,and thinks that makes him OK, because he provides for us. I have an every other week babysitting my oldest sons daughters job and a cleaning job on friday of the other week. My two teenagers homeschool we started when my husband was sober for a few years. His drinking doesn't interfere with that because he is gone all day while they are working. They don't want to stop homeschooling. I have thought of getting a full time job,but the thought of leaving my two teenage boys home alone worries me. Their school is a computer program ,so I don't have to be there all the time. i don't know what to do. I don't know what he would do if I left. My first husband commited suicide,so I am terrified of that happening again. He gets so drunk I'm afraid he might do it to if no one was there. Life is just sicking right now. Thanks to all of you for being a shoulder to cry on. god bless you.
Hi BD swamp. Your first priority must be you and not your A. You have already endured cancer once. Stress could be enough to trigger it again. Don't take on fulltime work you have enough on your plate. If you need the money 3 days a week would be plenty and then you could have a little bit of your own independence and save some money. If your boys are teenagers now they are at the age where they will confront your A. This is all part of them progressing into adulthood. Whatever happens between them and your A is their problem not yours. It is so hard not to tread on eggshells and be the peacemaker but the end result is you will get sick. We are all here for you and there is so much love and understanding. There are others here far more experienced than myself who will be able to guide you in the right direction. In the meantime stay safe and email me if you need a shoulder to cry on. Luv Leo xx
Glad to have you here! I am sorry you are having a tough time. But you will find experience, strength and hope here, I'm sure!
Keep coming back, and come to chat as well as the meetings, if you can. You will find that it helps sooo much when it comes to dealing with these issues. You are not alone...
I'm glad you found this site because you can gain so much from it. I don't know if you're at all familiar with the Al Anon program but it is a great group of people who come together to share their experience, strength and hope (es&h). It helps so much to know that we are not alone, and others have in fact gone through the same or similiar situations as us.
Keep on sharing and reading all our shares. Some things that helped me in the begining was learning the three C's....We didn't Cause it, we can't Control it, and we can't Cure it. Our loved ones suffer from a disease and we can no more fix it for them than we could fix any other disease. Accepting this allows us to begin taking the focus off our alcoholics/addicts (commonly refered to here as A's) and putting it back on ourselves.
This takes a lot of time and practice but once we do it, we learn that we have a lot of work to do in fixing *ourselves* and when we get busy doing that fixing our A's becomes less and less a priority for us. Our obsession begins to lift and we learn to live a much healthier way of life.
Again glad you're here and keep coming back.
__________________
Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
