The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's Monday and I am just having a hard time focusing on work...LOL I am alone in the office until close to 5pm which makes it really hard, phones are quiet and it's dark, cloudy, and cold outside. Wishing I was up in my bed watching talk shows.....
I got caught up on the postings this morning, I hardly get on my computer at home, and I noticed so many postings about things not working for people. Since my A came home on the 16th things have been mostly smooth, but I am working harder then ever on my readings etc. I was wondering what everyone else does daily to help yourselves. I want to start journaling but confused as to where to start or should I just do a gratitude list? Any suggestions would be ever so helpful.
I spent the weekend doing absolutely nothing, maybe that is why I have no motivation today? hmmmmmm, it felt good though. Saturday my A went to pick up his buddies boat, a 4 hour car ride, then bring it home 4 hours, they always have some crisis, they lost one wheel on the trailer.....
I am noticing some subtle changes in my A. Last Monday I stopped to see him at the bowling alley, he and his bowling buddy were so loud...I didn't stay long. My A's ex mother in-law made the comment that my plate must be so full, or my cup runneth over. I told her until a year ago I didn't realize how big the saucer was under my cup....with you all here, my family, my A's ex.’s family, my A's family, co workers, and friends, I have such a large saucer to help keep the mess contained when it runs over. LOL Anyway, my A and his bowling buddy got into some kind of verbal fight that almost turned to fists; this was after they were done bowling. Oh my A came home ranting and raving, I didn't buy into it, as he told me how his buddy was wrong etc etc. and that he wasn't bowling until his buddy called and apologized. I kind of thought that my A was the one that was out of line. Anyway, Friday evening my ex told me that he had talked to his bowling partner. I said.....LOL "oh he called?" "No, my ex said, I called him and I am so embarrassed, I was the one that was a total jerk, I did everything I promised myself I wouldn't do, now I have to apologize to my ex in-laws, I totally respect them and I was such a jerk, calling my buddy out like that over nothing, it was just that I was too drunk." I just nodded my head and very supportively said "it's a step in the right direction that you are noticing things, I love you for working on you." So tonight it will be hard for him to go bowling, and as for me, I will go home and pass out candy.
I felt very happy after I read your post. I understand better now; you are supportive, but not involved. You seem happy with your own life, and yet not overly stressed with all the other lives you are dealing with.
I will be passing out candy solo as well. My A is in a jazz band, and he'll be practicing tonight, and I was feeling abit sorry for myself, but I like my own company, so it's not a big deal.
You sound so good! You should be so proud of you. Things are going well for me and that is when I find I don't really work on the steps--I haven't even finished step 1. I think I'm afraid of what all I am going to find. I know that even though things are going well I need to work on me so in case of the not good times I will be able to make it through without falling apart!!
I have been enjoying your posts and I look up to you so much! I hope you have a good night tonight passing out candy!
Relish the quiet days at work. They are far and few between. I work retail, and it's only just beginning.
As for journaling, I don't know how to do it the way that is perscriped. But I've journaled for years in the form of letters. My Mom past away when I was 19. She was always a source of great strength to me. So instead of Dear Diary.... I write as if I'm talking to my Mom. I also started keeping one for my A. When we were apart so often because of his work, and calling to Australia, Brazil or who knows where in the world was expensive (not to mention bad connections, time changes, etc.) I started one to him. I still have one. It makes the writing easier somehow. We've been playing telephone tag for the past week and half, and I need to talk to him. But we just can't connect. So I took the journal and wrote it down to him. Last January I started for lack of a better word a book, I've called the Other Side. It's my perspective on alcoholism, and what I've been going through. I keep it on the computer, with a password. What's nice about the "journals" is that I can go back and reread and gain old and new insight into things. I see where I've grown and where I haven't. I'm sure someone here can make better suggestions than I on how to get started. But I do what works for me.
You sound so much better in your posts. Good for you. You've really learned to love with detachment. That's hard. Have fun passing out candy.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
For daily nourishment, I really try to read my "Courage to Change" book, and find that I get a bit of a renewed spirit from here, even when I just read posts.... Lately, I have been 'fighting myself' more, which reminds me that I need to get myself back to my Al-Anon meetings....
I am handing out goodies "solo" tonight as well - disappointed that my ex is not willing to bring the kids over so I can see their costumes, etc., on their 'big night', but thankful that I had them last week, and was able to see them in costume then.....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
