The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
today i forgot to let go/let god. i just couldnt do it. i woke up with alot of pain today due to a kink in my neck. did what i could to make it go away and get rid of my headache. i did a little bit but still i had this feeling i should stay home from work anyways. so i called in. my a came home from coffee with a friend and told me he was going to football game tonight even after he promised me he would stay home with me tonight and watch movies. i told him what he knew would happen if he went to the game. he wouldnt come home after and would binge drink then do coke like every time before and once again we wouldnt be talking to one another and it would be at least a week before we even got close again. i reminded him of all the times him going out with the guys that drink and do drugs wrecks us. i was crying, he then said he wouldn't go. later he apologized for hurting me so much and would spend a great night with me. so i didnt let go and let god i fought for him to stay home. i dont really feel guilty because he is home and sober and loving with me tonight. and he said he is glad he didnt go and that he really didnt want to go. he turned off all the phones so no one could bother us. so im confused with myself right now. did i help him and us or hinder us. if he said he didnt really want to go and he would have went if he wanted to what does this mean? am i the bad or good guy to help him realize he doesnt want to go back to where he used to be. i could really use some input on this if it makes sense. thx
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
What i see is that you fought for what you wanted. I would have been a little less dramatic, but you did what you think was right.
The slogan "let go and let God" to me means that in a situation where the alcoholic in my life was tempted I would tell him my feelings, but not try to convince him of meeting my will, and I would let go of him. By letting go and trusting God, you leave the outcome out of your hands. Then if it doesn't work out to your will (which in the beginning of the program it seldom does) you have someone besides yourself and your alcoholic to blame. I like to think that if he does succumb to the temptation, it is all in the grand scheme of things that God has planned for both the alcoholic and me.
Hell, I know it is hard. And I STILL don't always get it right, but practice makes perfect. I even beleive that each stumble along the alanon path is scripted by our higher power too, and is all a part of the big picture.
Write these struggles down, cause as you grow through the program, it is great to look back and really identify just how you changed.
To me it seems like "mean what you say,,,,say what you mean,,,and don't say it mean". Not sure about the crying part :) Let's face it. You are in a committed relationship and you stated what you needed and wanted from him. And the two of you decided to agree. He still has a disease but for tonight you were chosen over the disease. Put this one on your grateful list. Remember this human part of him and pray that the disease does not progress. Yours and his HP must have been working for both of you tonight. Treasure these times. I am so happy for you. I also treasure the time we had together tonight in pm. You were there when I needed someone too. I will cherish that moment and hold it close to my heart. Your friend in recovery, cdb :)
I believe HP wants us to do the footwork. I don't think you "failed" program because you did not let go and let God. I believe you set a boundary, and it was healthy one. You reminded him of what happens. Remember 3 C's. If he wanted to go, there would have been NOTHING you could have done to stop him. He would have gone. He may or may not have drunk and then drugged. You are powerless over that.
I cry too when in "emotional" conversations. It's just what I do. I cry. Not hysterics and not any antics but the emotions well up and they manifest themselves in tears. "Tears are just liquid prayers," even though most guys don't like em. It's a physiological release of emotions.
So I say congrats to you on your boundary. Keep coming, keep learning, keep growing.
yours in recovery,
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
What you did worked for you, whose to say if it will work again. The beautiful thing about this program is that we have been given a tool bos to add tools to it. How we use the tools is up to us. I am glad you had a good night.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
