Hi, Mars...

The following is an excerpt from the AA Big Book, from the chapter entitled Working With Others, that addresses your concern. Remember to turn you own will and life and that of your A over to the care of a power greater than yourselves, because it is only in constant contact with an HP and in a state of spiritual fitness that we are able to overcome the obstacles that used to confound us. Allow God to do for you both what you were unable to do for yourselves... Good luck and happy holidays!

Emmie

"Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all.

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.

In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.

You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!

Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor.

Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed. "

For the rest of his life he's going to come across situations where alcohol is present.  It's up to him to not pick up that first drink.  Trust your HP that He has your husband in His hands.....Let go and Let God.  It's really all you can do aside from choosing to worry yourself sick.  Either God has removed his obsession to drink or he hasn't.  It really is that simple.

He's attending meetings and that is great.  Does he have a sponsor and is he working the steps?  Hopefully so.  Every day he will get stronger in his recovery as long as he works his program.  The Big Book of AA is a wonderful tool for us as well as for the A's.  If you don't have a copy I would suggest you get one.  Reading the chapter......The Family Afterwards will be very helpful for you.

During this busy Holiday season that is almost upon us, don't forget to work *your* program and take care of you.  That's the best thing you can do for your husband right now as well.  Good luck!

hi,

this may not be the best advise but here it is.  My husband is early sober too almost a year.  When at party's he  puts diet  coke in a drink glass with a lime. If people ask can i get you one . He always says no working on this one.  It is never a question.  If people think he drinking or not who knows.  He feels better than telling everyone no not drinking.  The turth is it should not matter at all what someone drinks.  But my A feels better this way and it works.  well just telling you what we do other many have better ideas.

Good luck NIKKILOU