The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've only had my sponsor for 2 weeks and i don't think it's working out. I want to ask someone else to sponsor me but I'm not sure what to say to my current sponsor. This is one of my defects for sure, not facing my troubles. I know it needs to be done I just know exactly how to say it, or to at least start the conversation. Can anyone help?
I am in the same situation, my face to face sponsor is no good any more, but I have not got the heart to tell her i need to find someone else. But right now I have found a online sponsor who is working out. But the bad thing with an online sponsor is that y0u can't call them. You have to be on the computer. But other then that is good.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
If you already have someone else in mind to ask to sponsor you, you might ask them, and then discuss with them how to approach the situation with your first sponsor. I did that, decided to write my first sponsor a gratitude list of the things I was grateful for having learned with them. It was a nice way for me to acknowledge what I had learned and to share it with the person who had shown me the way.
I had a problem with my first sponsor too. When i asked her t sponsor me, she told me I could call her any time. I tried 4 different times. Each time I called, she told me she couldn't speak to me at that time but to try back at another time. I realized that she may have been a very good sponsor, but her schedule and my schedule didn't match. So when I saw her at a meeting, I said that to her. Neither of us were at fault. We just weren't a good match for each other.
Honesty is always the best policy. And I have always found that when I have to say something I am uncomfortable about, I keep it in the " I." " I am grateful that you agreed to be my sponsor but the times that work out best for me to talk appear to not work for you. Thank you for your service and let's be friends."
Just one small note...don't be discourged. Ask God for help. When you are ready, the teacher will appear.
Thanks so much, it helps just to know others have been in the situation. It is mostly a timing issue with my current sponsor, she is very busy and we have only one meeting in common. I'm hoping that with prayer the "confrontation" will be, perhaps not easy, but easier.
Try approaching it mentally as something way less scary than a "confrontation." Finding a sponsor is a process similar to trying on shoes... you may have to try a few on before you find a comfortable fit. But you probably do not start to feel fearful if the first pair of shoes you try pinches a little or doesn't go with your outfit...you just accept that it isn't quite right, and move on.
Pray first before the conversation, and do not approach your conversation expecting a confrontation. Al-Anon gives us lots of practice in having appropriate and mature dealings with others. Think of this as an opportunity for you to practice making a considerate and mature exit from a situation that turned out not to be what you were looking for...and nothing more.
When you reach out to your next sponsor, you might try asking them to sponsor you temporarily... that way there is an out for each of you if it is not working for some reason, and you do not have to feel like you are making or breaking the commitment of a lifetime.
I knew the word "confrontation" was wrong when I wrote it, I just couldn't think of another word at the time. Your response was great though, and thinking of it in this way helps tremendously. Thanks so much.
