The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have historically been a perfectionist. Even things that go perfectly well in and of themselves, I've felt compelled to tweak them because if I did they could be "better."
My sponsor talked with me for a long time about the my tendency to stare at the spot on the wall, instead of appreciating the rest of the wall that was unblemished. I always wanted to do something about that one spot...then the wall would be perfect. I've learned in this program that life happens, and once you get rid of one spot, there's another...sometimes three or four.
I used to obsess about these spots. Writing a gratitude list every day has helped me to learn not to focus on the spots so much and to pay more attention to the good around me. In the beginning I thought the things I was grateful for had to be these wonderful, earth shattering type things. Now I know they can be anything. Yesterday I forgot to grocery shopping....oh no, my schedule ruined (oh yes, there were days when my schedule was my ultimate, and god forbid it didn't go according to plan). Today I was grateful there was enough Corn Chex for breakfast, and I know I'll take care of the shopping today, instead. Two days ago I took my car into the shop, and it's still not ready today. But I'm grateful instead for the extra time I am getting to spend with my husband when he drives me to work and picks me up.
Gratitude helps me see that a lot of the things I am often tempted to hand my serenity over to aren't worth it. Someone at my f2f meeting this week said that time only moves in one direction, and whether he worries about something or not, time will move on and whatever the problem is will resolve. I was reminded of the saying, "If you pray, why worry? If you worry, why pray?" Today I'm grateful for the opportunity to focus on the good in front of me.
Oh my goodness, I can so relate to that spot analogy.
I know at times I have been on the receiving end of someone else's focus on my one spot vs. my otherwise clean wall, and I hate the feeling that no matter how much I have done well, what they see is my one mistake or one problem area....
Knowing how it feels myself, I sure do not want to contribute to that feeling in someone else. I can't make anyone else focus on the good in me, but I can make sure I focus on the good and accept the spots in others' walls; AND I can be gentle with myself in my daily tenth step and look at the things I have done well in addition to what I might have done better, instead of focusing only on the negative.
Thank you so much for sharing how the gratitude list is working in your life :) It sounds like you have come a long way in your program form the spot on the wall :) I do things like that too LOL. Thanks for sharing this post with me. I too will get back to my gratitude list because it does really work. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
