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For 3 of the 4 years of our Marriage he had been using Drugs (Crack) and Alcohol. He has been in a Treatment Center 3 times and has "played" at starting AA more times then I can count..
We left him a few weeks ago, I had enough finally.. He tried to cut his wrist, then back to Treatment he went.. He is scheduled to get out of treatment in 2.5 weeks, it is a 42 day program. He says that it is different and that it has finally went from his hear to his heart, that he can never use and must live by the AA program and get a good sponsor.
I am scared.. I have tried and tried for 3 years to be there for him after every Treatment center and after everytime he played at the AA program.. He now wants my and his children back.. and tells me that it is going to be different.. I have prayed, I have read.. and I still am having trouble getting past this scared feeling..
I know that scared feeling. My A went to rehab and then relapsed. It's been a difficult year, with lots of bumps along the way. My A also said that this time around he started to speak from the heart rather than the head. I believe him this time. I can see the change. He's done with his outpatient work, and his now living in a halfway house. In a couple of weeks he goes to assisted living, and is getting the extra mental health help he needs.
Alll you can do is take it one day at a time, even one moment at a time. It's the fear of the unknown, of what lies ahead that is scary. No crystal balls here. But it'll get easier. Say the Serenity prayer. Remember the 3 C's.
Here you will find great strength, hope, and understanding. Be good to yourself and keep coming back.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
You have a right to be scared. Only you can make the decsion to trust again. Just remember that you are strong and will make it through. My prayers are with you
One idea, that "can" work, or at least be beneficial....
..... is to write up a 'contract', as specific as possible, that may give you some additional comfort that he is not just "playing at recovery" again.... i.e. he will attend 'x' meetings per week, etc...
It is different for everyone, and the above is just something that (kinda sorta) worked for me... Maybe he HAS really "got it" this time.... I would try to figure out, what works for you, as a boundary of protection for you & your family.
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
My thinkin on this is.. If you've already made the decision to leave, you can also make a decision for him to "prove it" and protect yourself before you go back.. 30 days, 60 days, 6 months? Your call. Talk is cheap, watch the behavior :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
hi, my "A" did the same thing when i dumped him....went into rehab...aa meets...the works,,,,soon as i took him back???? he was BACK at his crap....
the test for me????? i would STAY gone till he was working it at MINIMUM 18 months....prefereably 2 years.......that way ya KNOW he MAY be serious....if he is serious about *cleaning up his life* he won't mind working the program to *work his way back to/ make amends with his family*..........
in my case, i could only take care of me...and i did!!! i ended up leaving and staying gone!!!!! please take what works, leave the rest/ rosie
It's okay to be scared, if it were me I would be just as scared. My A is still active, and I can't see that ever changing so I have built this wall up, my own "fortress of solitude" to keep me sane. Trust is something that is earned, so I can only say what Karilynn said..one day at a time. There's no need to rush into anything. Keep coming back!
Hi and welcome. I have a huge issue with trust with my A husband at the moment and I honestly believe even with counselling it is the biggest hurdle to overcome. Don't know if it ever comes back. Just take one day at a time. Luv Leo xx
Scary stuff. For what it is worth, I like Tom's suggestion of writing up a contract of sorts. I would look at it like a way of establishing some boundaries. I wish I would have had the forsight to do something similar with my A.
