The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A drunk thinks the world revolves around them? Why? I think I know why but can't accept it. Living in a drunk world really sucks so I guess it's time to get out. The drunk in my life wonders what my problem is? Hell..............maybe I have the problem. I know I don't. I know what I need to do. I don't even know why I even wrote this.
Well Cathy, if you are like me, and thousands of other Al-Anons, it is because you are continually battling those two little conscience figurines, one on each shoulder..... One is saying "run, leave him!", and the other one is saying "be loyal, he needs you"....
All kidding aside, the decision of what we should do, whether that means leaving, staying, or something in between, is NEVER an easy one... The only 'simple' answer we have is that the absolute BEST thing you can do is take care of yourself - learn and grow in your recovery..... In time, when you are ready, the "right" decision, for you, will become clearer..... For some, that so-called "right" decision is to leave, while for others the best decision is to stay....
You are struggling with the gut stuff of our programs, and it's so easy to focus back on the A, or what we "should" do, but my encouragement would be for you to simply treat Cathy with the love and respect she deserves.... Learn what you can, share out loud, talk to people who know their stuff....
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
this sounds so familiar Cathy. My husband has your A's same vices and for years the house mantra was "love me, love my bong" It took me a long time to recognize that #1-it was a problem and #2- to realize it was not my problem to solve. The bigger problem was my reaction to the situation. I would sit on that couch with him and stare at the tv--and think that this was a relationship(?!) or I would get overinvolved in my kids stuff, or work or volunteering. Eventually I came to realize that it could be so much better if I was dealing with a whole person. so in answer to your ? of how they can be so self centered--addiction is a demanding master. That whole powerless thing. It is so hard to deal with. It is so hard to love the person and hate the disease that keeps them from being the person that you see they have the potential to be. wishing you peace in your struggles- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
Thanks Tom. I have been thinking that all weekend. Leave him (although he has already left) or fight for the marriage to the end. Both ways make sense at the time. We all need to take care of ourselves.
