The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well tomorrow is my birthday. A friend took me out for dinner tonight. I know it will become a huge issue with my A. A colleague of his from work saw us and will make a big issue out of nothing. I will have to be on defensive yet again with him. Frankly he had all the opportunity to do something with me but chose to go out with the boys instead. Instead of feeling sorry for myself I accepted the invitation to dinner.
My A doesnt understand that unless he makes an attempt to some recovery himself, I am not going to put myself through the emptiness, and worry, and fear, anymore. So why do I feel so guilty and sad, and alone?
Hi first of all Happy Birthday for tomorrow. Most importantly did you have a good time when you went out for dinner? Would you have enjoyed yourself out at dinner with your A instead or felt the nerves of how his behaviour would have affected your night? It is YOUR BIRTHDAY you can spend it how you want. This is not about him it is about you. Focus on having a great day tomorrow and don't let him ruin it with mind games. Tell yourself you are a good person and deserve to feel happy tomorrow. Thinking of you with love. Leox
I'd only be nervous if my "friend" was of the opposite sex. Of I went out with a girlfriend, I'd be fine. My A is a very jealous person. I lost 65 pounds a couple of years ago and he seems to not trust me once again. (you'd think after 37 years of marriage, he'd KNOW i'm never going to cheat. You havea right to celebrate your birthday, and if he chooses not to go with you, then go with a freind.
I learned in AlAnon that my happiness is not up to another person. it's up to me. I made little business size cards. I use them with alanon issues and with my weight-watcher members (I am a leader now) "If it's to be, it's up to ME!"
Good luck with his confrontation. Try not to worry about it. You did what you needed to do at the moment, and he did too.
Happy Birthday and GOOD FOR YOU! :) I remember those days that I couldn't do anything because of being afraid of my ex husbands reaction. Even if it was at a grocery store and a man asked me if I knew where something was in the store-- he'd flip out, it was that bad. Towards the end of that marriage, I remember doing EXACTLY what you did, even though it was hard because I knew the consequence-- the fighting and arguing, belittling and degrading of who I was JUST because I had a friend that cared about me or friends that I cared about.
Anyway, towards the end, I just went, started doing what I wanted and in turn, the more I did, the stronger I became with the fear of the consequence subsiding-- it was GREAT, such a sense of empowerment and in turn, led me out of the relationship even eventually.
Don't EVER give up whatever it is YOU WANT TO DO for someone who is extremely jealous and has their issues that they do not deal with-- this has NOTHING to do with you.
Have a wonderful birthday. My prayers are with you. :)
You are an adult, and free to spend your birthday with whom you choose - male or female. It's your day. By all means have a good time.
Feeling guilty? Don't. I know it's easier said then done. But you can't loose yourself in his disease. I use to feel guilty about going out to dinner with friends. The ironic thing is that he wanted me to go out. He would feel guilty if I stayed home. But I was afraid of what I would come home to. Now I know better. We are both in recovery. We are concentrating on getting healthy in our own way. He has his, I have mine. That's the only way we'll survive.
Be good to yourself. You deserve it.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
