The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
well i just got home from work and my house is a disaster. he did not take any of his stuff but had people here while i wasnt home. im so angry and hurt right now. i dont even know what to write on here about. i just know i should to help me through this. i am a zombie right now. i dont know what to think. he left all his sh*t here does that mean he wants to stay. but how could he expect me to want him here after the horrible things he said to me and once again is not home. i told him he had the chance to make things better. he obviously didnt take that chance. or is he gonna try and kick me out. i have no where to go.this is my home too. is there anything i can do legally about this. if anyone knows tell me. we have been common law almost three years and together for seven. why should i lose my home? i just dont even know what to do. i am so lonely. how can everything be so perfect and 24 hours later im living in hell. i never wanted this to happen. and i dont want to lose him. i love him so much. but i know i cant put up with being treated like this either. i am a human being. and a very lovable one. i dont do anything wrong so i dont get how all of a sudden im a bi**h. if anyone has any advice, information, or esh please share i really need it and fast. if he leaves our computer leaves too then i will no longer have this site and it's the only thing that is keeping me going right now.
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
You didn't do anything wrong, probably. He is an alcoholic, and so will always find a way to blame all problems on you. This is just what they do, it's a symptom of their disease. Whether you can stand to live with it or not, only you know, but, please, don't take it personally.
I don't know what your legal rights are, but I bet there are resources in your community that can find out for you. Where I live, when you look on the front page of the phone book, there are all kinds of numbers to call if you are in trouble and need help - various types of social services, provincial drug and alcohol commisions, and help lines, etc. I've had some limited involvment with these services, and have found them very helpful, not at all judgemental and full of red tape, as I had feared. I don't know what they will be like near you, though.
Hi, i'm so sorry to read your so upset. When my husband left me, and i knew for about a week before that he was probably going to go, I felt so alone and so scared. My children and myself (I have three) all slept in the same bed for about two weeks after we were so scared. However things get better. At the time i felt like he had put in a row boat and set me adrift on the ocean. I had never lived alone before. Guess what! I survived. I am happier, stronger for it. It was real tough, I wont lie , but it wasnt half as bad as I imaged it would be. Material things can be replaced. Life is for living. We dont have to live a life of hell. Things do get better.
I don't know the answers to all your questions, except to encourage you to take care of yourself.... Find yourself a program of recovery..... and your focus will slowly ease away from HIM, and get back onto YOU....
You are caught in that rut, where I was for so long, where you are trying to answer the "whys"..... Quit trying to make sense out of nonsense. You are 'expecting' your sick and irrational A to behave in a healthy and rational manner.... He's doing what A's do best..... acting out, being irrational, etc., etc...
Journalling might be of help to you as well, as things really were NOT "perfect 24 hours before".... Sometimes journalling can keep us more 'honest' with our circumstances, versus when we allow our emotions, feelings of rejection, loneliness, etc., guide what we perceive reality to be....
He's either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hang in there, everyone here is right-on about what they said to you. You can find a computer at a public library, most likely, to chat, i think. Ask around, maybe someone you know will let you use theirs periodically. You will be okay!! I remember, when I decided to divorce my ex, when I finally moved out, cause I let him have the house, I grieved over losing what we had built together for 13 years - a house, a life, a family, relationships. But the house I designed, and helped build by hand, beautiful house, and all the stuff I chose to decorate it with, were all gone...and so was HE! That made it bearable...that he was out of my life, couldn't control me anymore, couldn't make me feel worthless anymore. I'd trade all that material stuff for the peace of mind I got when I was finally out of the marriage. I cried at first, all the time, for the loss of a marriage, but time helped me see that what I did was the RIGHT thing to do! It's amazing, time has a way of healing our broken hearts, and our broken spirits. I finally found out I DID have a brain, and was VERY intellligent, and COULD function WITHOUT all his crap!
You'll have to go through the pain of loss before you can get to the point of feeling like you did the best thing for YOU. It's ahead of you, but you may not be able to see it right now. Hang in there, persevere, and you'll get to it! I promise you'll be okay if you just work the 12 steps. And you can work them without having the internet, if it has to be that way for awhile. Find f2f meetings, so you can have a network of like-minded friends.
We are all here for you, and I will keep you in my prayers.
We have just spoken on chat line.... now I understand better how you are feeling.
Take deep breaths..... this is a scarey time for you, you have put your trust in this person, but, now you realise, thanks to alcholism.... you can not trust.
So, what to do? I do not live in USA, dont know the laws there, but I do know they have lots of smart lawyers! Find one, get some advice, hopefully, you will be able to stay in your home..... if not, trust in this program, bricks and mortar are just that, we need more to find our new way of life.
One thing I have found through Alanon, is a strength I never knew I possesed. You can find it too, maybe you will be able to stay, maybe, you will have to leave and start over. You will find the strength, remember, it is experience, strength and hope, which help us all.
I am so glad you have shared with us, and hope to speak to you again soon,
Because it is an insidious and cunning disease it was there all the time but we just don't know it. How about one day at a time or sometimes one hour at a time? When my husband left I was overwhelmed with how I would cope. Little things and help just popped up. Your HP is probably waiting to help you. You are not alone! You have us and your HP.
