The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm feeling down so i came here to vent a little. I just did my check book and I'm short minus -$28.00. I know it not much but something going to bounce. I've been looking around the house for short change and found some only $10 left to find. I went to my kids piggy bank and their is $10. I want to take it and then put it back next week. I feel really bad about it. If i don't I will get late charges and fees if i do I'll feel like shit. Plus I need milk and laundry soap but i can charge that stuff. I guess I could ask my A for some money but then I will feel bad to. I want to make it by myself. I'm trying not to need him as much. My daughter wants to take skating lessons. Sign up is tonight I could charge it. She needs something fun. But is that a waste of money when things are tight. Sorry i'm going on about this but it is bothering me. Doesn't it say somewhere things will get better with money if you work your program. Guess i'm just down. Thanks NIKKILOU
Hi Nikki can you stall the skating lessons money another week HP might come through for you by then. Maybe instead of you asking your A for money your daughter could ask her Dad for just the skating lesson money. Perhaps she could say to him she could work it off washing his car etc. How old is she? That way you retain your dignity and your independence from him. I had a bad night last night couldn't sleep worrying about whether my A was drinking again. Had a cry this morning and Hp came through with a message from Tom, my counsellor arranged my first meeting on Monday and the heavy fog finally lifted. Thinking of you. Luv Leo xxx
Hi Nikkilou. Certainly can relate to the morning you are having, especially when you said, "Doesn't it say somewhere things will get better with money if you work your program."
I was not happy with my progress in the program many times over. What I did come to understand with my experience is that 'how quickly' things get 'better' in the program is not up to me. I started to realize over time that there were things sometimes that my HP wanted me to learn first, and some things take more time than others. Regardless of the slower progress in some areas of my life, ie. finances, I was still progressing, and any progress is better than no progress. As long as you stay in touch with your HP, continue to work your program and share, you are moving forward to the "better" of everything in your life, however slow it may seem right now.
I can so relate to your desire for money problems to disappear... I had all sorts of issues in that area when I got here, and prayed about it and worried and hoped that the resolution of my issues would be a miracle of the program like you described! But as I have been told by a wise friend of mine in AA, I can ask God to move the mountain but I better bring my shovel. It did not happen magically for me just because I was working the steps, but the result of working the steps and applying what I learned was my becoming a more practical, realistic, mature and responsible person with a willingness to take appropriate action, and the humility to ask for guidance when I did not know which action would be appropriate. Indirectly this resolved my problem.
Things with my money finally got better when I did a sort of mini inventory related only to my finances, and made a list of all that I have, all that I owe, all that I make and all that I must spend, written down all in one place. It sounds so obvious, but I never chose to look at that before all at once because I was so afraid of what I would find after years of being financially irresponsible and impulsive. What I actuallly found was that knowing what I was dealing with and being totally aware of my financial reality for the first time ever gave me a real sense of freedom from the dread and fear. Through that list it became very clear what I should or should not do with my money when I had some. It showed me exactly where my problems lay and what I could do to get out of them one task, one dollar, and one day at a time.
Finding in my inventory a small amount of money left when the "musts" were paid, I became aware that if I live within self imposed boundaries and have the self control not to overspend on things I do not really need, I am rewarded with peace of mind and the flexibility that when I need to pay for something unexpected or when there is something that I really want to buy, I have the money or know how long it will be before I have it. That has taken the bad feelings away that I used to feel when I had to go without something I needed because my money was spent on unnecessary things that just added up because I was not paying attention. Today if I have to deny myself things I desperately want to spend money on (like skating lessons), I know it is just because the timing doesn't work with my income, and I do not have to feel ashamed or blame myself because the money might have been there if I had been more careful, but is gone.
A guideline that helps me a lot to maintain myself in this area is the Tradition 7 notion of being self-supporting, declining outside contributions. If I plan to do this within whatever means I have and follow my plan, I do not have to feel stressed or anxious about where the help will come from because I am helping myself, depending on myself to take care of me and whatever I am responsible for.
It can be done, hang in there and try praying for willingness if it seems too hard.
