The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi. I have been reading through and trying to decide if I should post or not. Normally not very good on these boards.
I am a sober A in recovery (11 yrs) married to an A who is in the middle of a relapse after 12 yrs. He started drinking sometime this summer with me clueing in sometime in early Sept. I have tried to ignore it as much as possible until he has started drinking and driving/drinking while driving and finally with the children in the car.
For the past seven years we have had a good marriage. After the children came along our personal recovery kind of took a backseat to family needs, and we drifted away from meetings. This summer he began getting moody - attentive, happy one day and then quiet and distant others.
Emotionally I am becoming wrapped tighter and tighter, thinking about all the things that can go wrong. Worried because I am intimately aware of the struggles with relapsing and recovery. I am having trouble focusing, which is a big problem since I am a sahm.
My sponsor has suggested Al-Anon, but I have trouble making meetings with 3 children 5 and under.
I am thankful that there are places like this out here.
You are definitely in the right place. Several of the people in my face to face sponsorship family work the steps in both AA and Al-Anon, and they all report that the programs, while similar in structure and origin, service entirely separate needs.
The problems that go along with loving an alcoholic are entangled with but definitely different from being an alcoholic. My boyfriend has 17 years sober in AA, has an alcoholic daughter, and all his personal time is spent with other alcoholics...without Al-Anon he was struggling so much despite all his time in AA because he is affected as much by the secondary symptoms of someone else's disease as he is with the primary symptoms of his own. He goes to AA every day, but that addresses his physical sobriety, and what he found he needed help with, especially with his daughter, is his emotional sobriety. AA addresses his drinking, and Al-Anon addresses his thinking. I do not know how any of you get by without Al-Anon as much time as you spend in service to other alcoholics whom you grow to care about. Besides helping you detach from your husband, the principles of Al-Anon will help you with anyone you sponsor or who sponsors you, and really provide good boundaries and structure for any relationship.
This message board is a great resource. Also, if it is an option for you to attend the online meetings in the Al-Anon chat room, they are structured like a face to face meeting. Many people who are homebound, who have kids or other responsibilities, or who live in areas where the meetings are infrequent have success attending those.
I am really glad you made it here. There are plenty of people here who have situations going on similar to the ones you describe, and many who have overcome them to lead happy and balanced lives. Welcome and keep coming back!
Welcome new friend. You will find that there are people on this board who are just like you. This is a place of great strength, hope, and wisdom, and on occasion, silliness to lighten the mood.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I also have three kids under five. I use this site alot and the online meetings i find very helpfull. Some meetings have babysitting other bring their kids. I don't do that i don't want them around the meetings. I love the online meetings and the chat room. I feel i can do it when they sleep or in school or nap time. It does not take anything away from them byut helps me alot. My A is also just starting alanon his father is a active A and he has alot to deal with the past. It is helpful to do both sides. Welcome and feel free to ask anything you would like or just vent.
Welcome to our board. I am glad that you decuided to post it just helps to know that there are people out there that DO care!! Recovery is so hard sometimes and the people in alanon have alot of great ESH to share.
Again welcome... Keep comming back... It works if you work it because your worth it!!!!
Just wanted to let you know that there is always one of us here when you feel up or down. You will find this forum an absolute inspiration. There is so much support and we are not judgemental. I have confided more to these people I call new friends on this board than anyone in my whole life. Luv and welcome. Leo xx
