The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been living with someone for about a year. We have been together for about a year and a half. Things haven't been that great for the last month. He is not an A but he is emotionally retarded as far as I'm concerned. Well anyway....we have spoke little over the last month and I e-mailed him today and let him know that I was hurt and was feeling lonely and rejected. He responded with he didn't care how I felt and he feels pressure to buy a house and have a baby ect....too much too soon. I responded with what the hell are you talking about? I never put any of those demands on you.....you did. Long story short he said he wanted to break up and I said fine.
My problem is I am living in his house with my 8 year old daughter. I now have to find somewhere new to live. Should I wait a week to see if things blow over or should I just blow his ass out of the water and find a place right away. I really don't know what to do. He has horrible communication skills. I would prefer to work it out. I do love him. However, I will not lower myself and beg him to work it out. If it is over I can accept that and move on. How long do I wait though?
Hello Bd. well you are the only one who has the answer to the questions you asked,if your prepared to live with someone who dosen't as he said "give a damn how u feel" it is your choice,just don't expect that anything will change. If you can accept what is being offered that is no ones business but yours.
My friend says if you can't accept what is happening "leave it" if you can't leave it "you damn well better find a way to accept it" that keeps it pretty simple dosen't it? good luck Louise
I don't mean to sound judgemental--but look at your post. How can you "really love" someone who is "emotionally retarded" and has "horrible communication skills?" I heard some of those same words come out of my mouth when I was not focusing on my self improvement---I was trying to tell my husband what was wrong with him. very co-dependent. I think we carry that behavior with us whether we are dealing with A's or not, thats why we need alanon!
Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
I have found with my A that he will say things and I have to let them go, most of the time he is confused and feels his own pressure. Hang in there, work on you and be gentle with yourself...
I'm really the last person in the world that should be giving you any advise right now because I'm a mess from my own situation. You have to ask yourself if this relationship is really what you want and is it good for your daughter. If you want to work it out you are going to have to sit down with him and talk it out. If he won't do that, you can't force it. Accept it and move on. It's tough and it hurts but you have to do it. I don't want to leave my marriage with my A but things have come to the point that I can't live with it either. I'm lost and I tell myself I don't know what to do but the truth is I do know, it is just so very hard to accept. Change is very hard when it is not what you want. In your case, you must think of your daughter as well.
