The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got my copy of the Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage today. I was so excited that I read it through dinner and didn't even turn on the TV. I definitely related to alot of it. I have a few questions to throw out to you though.
1) as my husband has had the tendency to frequent establishments where sex is available at a cost...does that mean that he is also a sex addict?
2)does this then apply?
3) I have a problem with the "checklist" in the back of the book asking if I have gained weight throughout my marriage, if I rush out to get dinner (of course I do i work 45-50 hours a week) and those kinds of things. Is this an outdated version? Has anyone else felt this way.
I have that book. All of the books help in some way. I don't know about the version although some of the writings seem older. For my A as one addiction is arrested another one arises. So that may explain the "sex" thing. For us as the Alanoners we react to what they are doing so who knows we may gain weight/add an addiction of our own/compensate by cooking!
I think it is just supposed to get us to look honestly at everything in our marriages. While yes an A can make life difficult, it does take two to make or break a marriage.
I know myself with my work and kid schedule, take out a few days a week is a santiy saver, and quick dinners are unfortunatley a necessity on many nights. I try to make at least one really nice dinner each week.
As for the weight thing, I think I might take issue with that. I was 23 and rail thin when I was married. I am now 43 and have had 6 children. While I don't consider myself fat and think I look very good for a Mom of 6, a few pounds have definately been added to me. (As well as quite a few gray hairs, and lines on my face, but I have earned every one of them. :) )
It is important to NOT take your husband's inventory while you are reading the Dilema of the Alcoholic Marraige. The best way to take that book in is to totally focus on how it relates to YOU, your feelings, and your experiences.
The best part of alanon is the slogan "take what you like, and leave the rest". Take what you want from the book. there are a few things that I myself don't agree with in that book, and as my progression through the program grows, so does what I chose to take and leave.
