Hope for Today - October 18

The guidance embodied in the Serenity Prayer was a foreign concept when I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting. I soon realized it must be important because every meeting I attended since has used it as part of the opening. Applying it to my recovery seemed a worthwhile endeavor. In the Serenity Prayer I ask my Higher Power to grant me "wisdom to know the difference" between the "things I cannot change" and the "things I can." Before Al-Anon I was unable to distinguish between the two. In fact, I think I had them absolutely backwards, often struggling to manage events that were beyond my ability to influence, let alone control. Such behavior usually led to mental, physical, and emotional fatigue as well as feelings of depression, failure, and worthlessness. These feelings became familiar as I matured in my alcoholic family, and I grudgingly came to accept them as normal.

######ROSIE....up until recently i did not FEEL the meaning of the "S" prayer.....or i didn't take it seriously.....or it for a while *went over my head* but lately its been *in my face* for some time.......i am still struggling with things i cannot control.....not as BAD, but still doing it......i would hear it over and over in the meets, even pay lip service to it and say it....but did i FEEL it???? not in the beginning.......its all about , to me, what i can do, where i leave off and *let go--let God*..........i struggled with EVERYthing...whether it was in my control or not.....i fought it....life was a battle of *blood sweat and tears*.....sometimes i would win, after i was beaten and bruized....other times i would lose, after i was even MORE beaten and bruised.....i tried to force my way, my will, i had to win!! i had to *get it* otherwise i took it as ANOTHER defeat....ANOTHER failure......i didn't realize that everyone in the UNIVERSE has this same situation!!!! life and its components wore me out....made me more bitter...more frustrated.....more feeling like a failure!!!!! doing step #4, helped me a lot.....i overcame a LOT, even w/o turning anything over......i LIVED through it....i survived without going nuts or turning serial killer.....so no matter WHAT, i am NOT a failure, i am a SUCESS!!!! becuz i made it this far, in this good of shape!!!!!! i tell myself this when i have to *release something from me*.....and yes, the depression/ failure/ and proving my perp right, that i was a *failure*........i just figured that life was out to make me miserable along with God, but i was gonna *give em hell* i was gonna *go out in flames* and i nearly did

Now, thanks to Al-Anon, I know I'm powerless over alcohol and alcoholic behavior. I know I'm a valuable, worthwhile person whose struggles resulted from the seemingly senseless events in my life. My illusion of control helped me survive, but I don't need it now. Although uncomfortable feelings and the urge to rule crop up occasionally, I remind myself that this is part of my disease and that feelings aren't facts. I admit my powerlessness once again and turn my unhealthy reactions over to my Higher Power. Not only can He manage my life better than I can, He can also restore me to sanity. Thought for the Day When I take the hands off the controls and "Let Go and Let God," my life runs smoothly, and I feel serene. "*Let Go and Let God*, He sees the world true, Rely on Him, and you'll never be blue . . ." *Alateen Talks Back on Slogans* , p. 15

########ROSIE.....now i know , along with the REST of the human race, i am powerless over what happened to me....powerless over protecting myself back then....powerless over most of life's events....powerless over people and their actions/ choices...etc.....i know that i am just on spoke in this giant wheel of the universe, and if i am powerless, the rest of the spokes powered by the main hub (God) will hold me up!!!!!! i thought i had to be in control to survive....in that horrible destructive atmosphere i was in, where evil/ destruction abounded....i WAS helpless, i WAS powerless, i WAS hopless at the time....but that is OVER!!! i had to have, back then, an *illusion* of control to keep from going nuts.......however i carried it with me....the horrid fear that if i am NOT in control, my life/ world is going to just disintegrate!!!!! so i clung on and fought with clenched hands..only to become more and more frustrated and bitter......i hated the thought of having to *surrender* but what other choice IS there??? i can fight it and beat myself into oblivion and maybe i'll *get through* maybe i won't...but the price....is it worth it????? most of the times "NO".......so what is the alternative????/ YES, do what i can do, sure, be a PART of my project...but then when i feel the craziness/ helplessness feelings come on.....take that as my CUE!!!! to back off......let go....release it and the karma from me.....if i win?? it will be a nice quiet win.....if i still lose??? it will be a quiet and acceptable loss, becuz i will have known it was not *in my cards* to win it...........i do the S prayer each day now with SINCERITY.......i am WILLING to take my hands OFF the controls.............i shall add to the above sugesstion by sharing what i ALSO do when things are starting to get *crazy*........last night i was *fiddling* with something at the house, and it seemd that everything i did was beginning to give me the old *fight me* crap!!!! when i began to keep going, even though the *craziness barometer* was creeping up , i finally STOPPED!!! and i *loudly* clapped my hands...as i yelled "STOP"...( the clapping loudly, breaks up the negative energy)........and i said " STOP....i am allowing my Higher Power to take over now...all forces of negativity, i give this project and you OVER to my HP, and i release myself from this"............i also did some self talk that each time i begin to be the *control addict* i will stop.....clap my hands......yell "shield" (calling for the white light to surround me and protect me from inner and outer negative energy) and i verbally / out loud...say the "stop, i am releasing me from this..........................."......what ever words i use, its the same message.....to me and to any forces that do not want me to progress..........i worked BIG time last night, and this am, stuff was beginning to *give me a hard time* and i yelled "SHIELD" visualized the white light around me and i did my *stop* thing with the releasing.........it worked for me...............please take what works, and leave the rest.........