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"We didn't stumble into this fellowship brimming with love, honesty, open-mindedness, or willingness....When we were beaten, we became willing.""Basic Text, p. 20Surrender may be the necessary foundation for recovery, but sometimes we fight it. Most of us look back after some clean time and wonder why on earth we fought so hard to deny our powerlessness when surrender is what finally saved our lives.
######ROSIE......i was beaten down almost to the count!!!!! the referee was counting about 9-1/2 when i staggered to my feet, bleeding, broken, wanting to quit!!! instead i came into recovery.....i confess, i was preparaing for another suicide when my friend got me to come here.......the pain got so bad, it broke me!!!!! i fought life/ resisted circumstances/ suffered more disasters than 10 life times....i had HAD it!!!!!! ....the biggest trigger/ surrender/ was my life saver.....to me, i associated surrendering to the beast, having to be his outlet for his devient sex desires.....i had to *surrender* my self to the beast!!!! so to me surrendering was especially hard!!! it triggered me for obvious reasons what??? surrender to a remote and capricous/ uncaring/ whimsical/ punitive God???? for so long it was "NO"!!! but life beat me down.....my sickness due to my being abused for so long finally did me in enough to get me into recovery......i had no idea that surrendering does NOT mean giving my self up in that i am some automaton "pull my string and i jump" that is not what God meant by surrendering.......my HP of my understanding WANTS me to be individual *perfectly imperfect* unique in a healthy way...to have choice...to have good health/ abundence/ love and self expression.....and to DO what i can do...and THAN turn over the parts i am powerless over.........ironically, the more control i give UP.....the more i have!!!!! looking back....i see the futility in denying my own powerlessness over the darkness that was smothering me......
As we recover, new opportunities to surrender present themselves. We can either struggle with everyone and everything we encounter or we can recall the benefits of our first surrender and stop fighting.Most of the pain we experience comes from fighting, not surrendering. In fact, when we surrender, the pain ends and hope takes its place. We begin to believe that all will be well and, after some time, realize that our lives are much better as a result. We feel the same way we did when we gave up the illusion that we could control our using-relieved, free, and filled with fresh hope.Just for today: Is there a surrender I need to make today? I will remember my first surrender and remind myself that I don't need to fight anymore.
######ROSIE......i get faced with surrender maybe a bit more than some because it is such an *issue* for me.....a *sore spot* a trigger......so life sends me things that would tempt me to *struggle* i am getting better.....when i begin feeling the *coda crazies*....i STOP.....back off.....give it over....walk away.....life is much smoother because it knows i am gonna do all i can....than give it up........the other day at practice (tennis) i was having a bad start, and i finally stopped and i *taunted* the demons and said "ok, i am gonna give it to my HP....you try and fight that ok??? becuz thats what you are going to get"......i made it into a game!!!! taunting the *demons* of frustration by saying that they would have to fight the *universal power* instead of little me, becuz little me was *turning it over*......well the negative karma stopped.....things went ok....i went home and i was serene.......all my pain , after i got away from my attacker was due to my *fighting it*..... my threshold for pain gets lower because, i can sense the *crazies comming* the *scrambling* and i know thats my cue to *give it over----back off---walk away from it*......soon as i do it...i regain my peace, and the answer comes...... fight it and feel pain.......surrender and feel serenity..........when i give it over, i feel like "ok, i released it...all is gonna work out somehow"....and it does........i know i have to do all i can do...but then there is the freedom and security that i don't have to *fight it* i can give it over...and be done with it........thank you DONE!!!
it is so true! There is so much strength is beong completely vulnerable, exposed & open. In the past it seemed that ppl saw this as a weakness but this is where infinite power lies.
I felt really sad & tired today, I was so hopfeul about a new job I got (a painting job) & ppl are fighting me about it. I almost called & said "forget it, I give up" but I really was excited about getting the opportunity, I need the money & I was looking forward to it.
Rosie, this post cheered me up & gave me the resolve to just sleep on it, there's no sense in being self-defeating. I will stand true & do the work as I promised even though others are fighting me about it. I will just be defenseless, I will say nothing & just do the job anyway!
thanks for ur post!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
