The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Who doesn't feel sadness? There is a time where everyone feels sad for one reason or another. Some people feel sad more than others.
I have gone through many times of feeling complete sadness ... depression. That is definately a lot harder to overcome! But how do we deal with plain old sadness????
How can I deal with sadness in a positive way? I know that in the past I have usually dealt with it in a similar manner to fear, a totally unproductive way. I have allowed my sadness to overwhelm me and to a point where I sink into a deep depression. I don't want to do this anymore!!!!
I have contemplated if it could be dealt with like fear but I don't think so. I know the feelings many times tend to be linked to past experiences (at least with me they have). I know a lot of the time my sadness is due to my inner child crying in pain from the past. A lot of the time I can figure out these reasons for sadness.... but other times I cannot. I just feel SAD. No reason comes to mind... no situation newly happened... no reason really to be sad. So how do I deal with this???? I cannot run away from it.. I'm not that quick and I don't have a special cape (like some people do) to fly away from it. So here I sit wondering if there is a way which has helped other people deal with their feelings of sadness.
I would really appreciate your experience, strength and hope on this topic. Thanks
Hmmm.... sadness IS very common..... My beliefs are always around balance, and matter of degree.... First, let's remember to be gentle with ourselves, and ALLOW ourselves to feel, whether that be sadness, anger, or whatever.... Where we need to find avenues for channelling this in healthier ways, however, is when it starts taking over our lives & personalities..... If you are feeling "sad all the time", then it is getting in the way of you living, and likely something you want to address...
My "reasons why" were pretty straightforward - nothing at all from my childhood, but more from all the junk that goes with being married to an alcoholic.... Still, I think it is important to keep the majority of focus on the whats, and not as much on the whys.... If you are feeling sad - what are some of the things that make you feel happy? A walk in the park? Reading a good book? Having a bubble bath? Phoning a friend? Anything that helps you keep out of the 'rut', in my opinion....
If you truly think that the root cause of your sadness is too complex and must be dealt with, I would encourage you to do that with the assistance of professional counsellors, who can help you process it...
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Rescuing others and running (or flying) away from our sadness and pain are two ways many of us have addressed our unfelt, stored up emotions before finding our way here. Believe me, from a retired cape wearer to you, the cape method is overrated-- I find my old capes are best used for dusting or helping a cold friend stay warm.
I have been told by wise people in this program that until we truly address our experiences and feelings from the past by feeling them, getting them out of our systems, and letting them go, we cannot totally release ourselves from their hold. Working the steps will assist with this process.
A speaker I have heard before says everyone told him the program would make him "feel better," but he didn't understand they meant he would feel EVERYTHING better-- including emotions like sadness. In the same way the drinking numbs and hides the emotions of the drinker, our thinking (denial, expectation, shame) numbs our true feelings. Many people have arrived here without feeling anything at all for some time. If you are experiencing your own feelings, even about the past, that shows you that you are alive, so stay that way and keep up the good work.
I have heard before that depression is anger turned in. I am not sure if that is the current thinking. But, if we can identify our feelings, sadness being one, then we can feel our feelings and get through it. I have learned to use destractions to not get so stuck in a feeling. For example, getting out of the house and visiting a friend or getting my hair done, working on a jig saw puzzle, coming to chat and enjoying people, watching a funny movie, etc. WE feel so many feelings and feelings to me are a gift. I did feel alot of sadness when I realized my daughter had alcoholism. To me it was like a death and I needed to grieve. Just go with your feelings and know that they will change. If not, seek professional help like I did. We are here for you too! ((((((sandie)))) cdb
I know very often when I feel sad it's because I feel like I'm not being heard or understood. It used to overwhelm me, too, to feel that way, and I can still feel overwhelmed. But I have learned in this program that I am not alone, and there is always someone I can express myself to and be heard. Sometimes it's my sponsor. Sometimes it's my husband. Sometimes it's my best friend. Talking it out gets the feeling out into the open where it can be handled, and where it doesn't bog me down anymore. When I'm sad I tend to feel disconnected from others. Reaching out and talking helps me to build that connection back up.
