The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I love you guys! I talked to my A on the way home from work. I called him, I am missing him so much, and Yes Candianguy, after the conversation you were right, seeing things through rose colored glasses. LOL The conversation had some rough spots in it. He said he was going to call me this weekend so we could meet and talk. I asked if he thinks the marriage is over, he said we would talk later, he doesn't know. He was short and cold in his tone, he asked if I was okay, I said honestly no, not really but I'll be fine. I said it's hard that I have been waiting for so many years, we talked about that for a bit, the end of the conversation made me realize that I don't think he will get it and I will have to get on with my life...he said "I'll call you when I get time" That hurt.
I came home in tears....went in to my room and cocoon for a bit, then got a little angry...then started going through the bills...LOL I'm not paying for his bills anymore...silly me, all stressed financially and realizing I really don't have that many bills...
My girlfriend and her man are coming out in the morning to get my big truck up and running, we have to make a dump run...(trucks all loaded for about 4 months now, have a $100 credit at the dump!!!!) Then my mom is treating me to the casino in the afternoon.
My son in AZ called and said he sent some money, he said "mom it's only $30" I started crying, my oldest called and said he would also start repaying me next payday....I started crying again...not because I was sad but because my children are so wonderful. Then I called my girlfriend to tell her and started crying.....she said "oh honey" I said....IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I AM FEELING MY FEELINGS, I'M NOT STUFFING THEM DOWN OR PRETENDING EVERYTHING IS OKAY!!!!
Seems like we are in the same boat going down the same river, lol.
I have phone conversations with my a also, sometimes they end on a positive note and other times they don't. I am learning, very slowly I might add, to not count on too much when it comes to them and their word. I am also trying to learn not to analyze everything he says. I guess it depends on their state of mind at the time of the conversation as well as ours.
I too have been depressed and in tears tonight, maybe it's the weather..been raining here for 8 days!
Look on the bright side... Your kids know what your going through,they love you and they are there to support you through all of this chaos, just as mine are too. And hey, you never know.... maybe you'll win it big at the casino : )
We are all in this together and even though we feel all alone in these battles (myself included) we all have each other to lean on.
Feeling our feelings is so healing and healthy. Way to take care of you :) I have used food for so long that now that I am surrendering that coping mechanism to my HP I am going to have to deal with the feelings underneath. My marriage is no picnic right now. I am not where you are but what you all share sure helps me to think about my life and if I should stay with my husband. You sound so blessed by your children too. I love what hadit put too. It sure helps to know others understand and have been where we are. cdb
Your post made me cry too. How lucky you are to have such nice sons. Talk about counting your blessings.
Someone once asked me if I could know the future would I want to know. I've thought about it alot, especially this year with my A. You know, would he still be sober 20 years from now? Would we finally have the house in order? Would we still be together? etc, etc. A part of me said yes, especially to the soberiety questions. Wouldn't it be reassuring to know that the other issues that are associated with that would be gone too? Or would they? But on the whole, I don't want to know what the future holds for me and my family. I'd rather go through all that we've gone through and all that we will go through. There's no growth in knowing the future. "I know what's going to happen, so why bother to work on things?" Through great adversity comes great strength. You are getting stronger every day. I'm so proud of you.
Give the boys a great big hug. Love and strength to you.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hi Mary Try and do something nice for yourself. Take a bath, go for a walk. Try and take care of your needs for a least 5 minutues. Try and do something special for yourself everyday. You are worth it. Don't forget to take care of yourself.
It is good that your children are taking care of you that is important to have family and friends that are understanding. You are a special person so take care of your self.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
How lucky you are to have such nice sons. Talk about counting your blessings. 
