The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I took advice from several members to ignore my husband's drinking. In the past, he drank when I went to church or was away from the home. He told me the other night he had a bad day and was going to pour himself a drink, and I could throw him out the house if I wanted to. I showed no reaction to the drinking and went about doing things I needed to do, acting like it didn't matter. Now he says he is not happy and doesn't know what he wants, but wants to be alone, away from me. He has been distant for the last six months. He is looking for another place to live. This is something new. Is this par for the course, so to speak? Any advice out there?
I will really don't give advice. But we do give feedback from our own experiences. I suggested that you find Alanon meeting to go to. Also if you can't get to a meeting go online there is a meeting here every day. during the week it is 9 am and 9 pm and then i am not sure on the weekends.
-- Edited by nycbt at 09:27, 2005-10-14
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
It sounds like he's puzzled and unhappy because you aren't providing an excuse for his drinking any longer. Without you to push against, he will have to find some other situation or person to react against and provide his excuse to drink. Keep working your program. You never know what may happen. If your focus is on you, your own program, your own happiness and activities, he is free then to make his choices and experience his consequences -- good and bad. {{{{{{{meowzmusic}}}}}}}
((meow)) Good work on not reacting :) It's hard at first to sort everything out mentally. You are pissed off, he's being a jerk, and if everyone is yelling at eachother or arguing...at the end of the day what got accomplished? Not much except more insanity. My first thought was is that he's trying to get a reaction from you. If he does in fact want to be alone, sometimes that's the best thing for them. He can have a chance to see just how sick he is with no one to pull in to his disease or blame. When he is alone and left with only the man in the mirror, it sometimes is a real eye opener to them, sometimes not.. There are no gaurantees as to what an alcoholic will do. Alanon's program is for you, to help you work through your pain and find serenity no matter what the alcoholic does. Granted, it's not easy, it takes work. Alanon provides tools for you to use, it's up to you to do the footwork. You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you Can't cure it.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
