The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So many members here just now leaving their A's, or thinking of leaving, I thought I would post this, from "Alanon Faces Alcoholism"
"Alcoholism is a treatable illness with a high percentage of recovery for those who humbly seek help. If a wife gives her husband a choice of seeking help for alcoholism or of accepting his continual drinking as a breach of marriage, she is being realistic, not unfair. It is possible for a wife to leave her husband in love rather than waiting fo her love to be destroyed. No wife is condemned if she refuses to join her husband in a suicide pact; continued drinking for an alcoholic is a form of slow, unconscious suicide. Also, for some wives to continue living with a drinking alcoholic may be so destructive that the family may be irreparably damaged, Motivated by love of self, love of children and still loving her husband, a wife may separate to protect the entire family. If the wife leaves in fear she will return to anxiety. If she leaves in anger she will return in embarrassment and resentment. If, however, she leaves in love she may return at any point when conditions have sufficiently changed to make a genuine reconciliation possible. Separation, however, should not be undertaken with the idea that this will stop the drinking. It may be initiated when severe damage to the wife and chidren is evident from living with the alcoholic. Once the disease becomes arrested through therapy and the alcoholic shows signs of making a true recovery, the marital status can then be resumed."
Lin, how very appropriate for the current theme of the board.
I asked my husband to leave over three years ago. I used my sponsor as a sounding board to make the decision. I was not angry, resentful or anything. I thought hard, and planned it out well, analyzing it to death...
However, I asked him to leave because I couldn't live with the insanity that the disease created in my household, and I felt that the only way to stop it was to ask the disease to leave. Since my husband wanted to keep the disease, I had to ask him to go with it.
Now, 3 1/2 years later, we are enjoying our second honeymoon. He is not sober, but I had 3 years to collect the tools I needed to live with him. I am content, he is okay, and I know for sure that if I had asked him to leave under any other circumstances, this would not be my life today.
There is always hope. I hoped he would sober up, but that just goes to show you, sometimes God doesn't deal us the cards he wants us to see. I am more happy than I have ever been today.
Thank you. Impeccable timing. Proof that no matter what road we choose, we can come out the other side of it with hope and dignity. We'll all be okay if we look after ourselves and each other.
Live strong, Karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks so much for this post. It was incredibly timely for me. I have made the decision to end my marriage and although I am sad that it's over, I am unbelievably calm about it. I can not live with insanity nor can I allow my child to live in a home where there is so much uncertainty.
I don't know what the future holds and I have no expectations as to where this disease will carry the man that I love. In my mind he has been totally consumed by this disease (again) but I know he's in there somewhere. I hope for his sake that he finds his way out again, but I'm not leaving this marriage in order to make that happen. I think I'm actually leaving for all of the right reasons this time.
I tried this once before almost a year ago and it was an awful experience. It was totally done out of anger, not thought out at all. I was miserable the entire time that we were apart and the issues that separated us were never worked on once we reconcilled. It's different this time.
Thanks for your post. It really helped me a lot tonite.
VERY good reading. So many times in the past when I have thought of leaving has been when I was angry, upset, frustrated and disappointed. It was a total "reaction". Which we all know how reacting works.
That reading is nice...the thought of a relationship possibly being resumed after recovery gives hope.
