Hi,

For a long time I deliberated whether to continue my Alanon meeting here in Germany, because I need meetings, but I have decided to stop and this is why:  I think the German Alanon here cannot heal like Online.

The meeting starts by reading the Steps, Preamble and Traditions.  Each Person reads two, regardless how long(German ordered behaviour?)  There is no naming of topics, instead they go around the circle and each person says how his week was (much like a therapy session). You're supposed to talk only  a short minute, but Germans do not learn in school the difference between a filibuster and a discussion so once they have the floor, they tend to conquer it and only stop when listeners protest loudly or audibly shuffle papers.  This part can take a long time, since it's a rule in meeting never to interrupt.  After that, people raise hands and speak on whatever they wish. 

At first, I thought this acceptance was good until:

One man spoke repeatedly every week about his dying mother of MS-- in all graphic detail,

his tooth extraction....in graphic detail (The dentist was Rumanian....his explanation???), and

how he held his baby girl out 4th story window to see when she would become afraid...in graphic detail, of course.

Then one member who had put her name on call list asked in meeting not to be called ???? Of course, toto was one of the new members who had called. I was very embarassed. Another talked about hubby going on vacation to US and how she would never go because she didn't like Amerika (US)...

I mentioned  that it was hard for me to feel accepted to quasi-leader on the phone and she said to ignore such talk, to hear past it.  She said besides they were only individuals there, not friends. So, during the urine stories (MS), toto spent an extra long time in the toilette to avoid having to listen, but after a while my visits to the WC became obvious.

They had contact to each other but not to me; I was the outsider, the only foreigner in the group and they were all locals. (I do speak fluent German, however, and have been here 35 years.).  But, no one cared there really about toto. sniff. In six months I was never called once, although I tried repeatedly to make contact. Adding insult to injury, I had to take taxi there and back ($20), even though one member lived on my street and came with car.  (I have walking disability.)

Then I found you. 

I decided I would recover faster here, and I was right.  It is the caring that has helped even though it's harder to get literature and I never get time right.  So moral of the story??

(click, click)  "There's no place like home, there's no place like home....."

Mentality, culture, home makes a difference.

Danke all, thanks Oz

Toto