The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my biggest problems is that I tend to be a worst case scenario thinker. I have always figured that if I can handle the worst possible thing that could happen, then everything will turn out all right in the end. I've come a long way in learning to live more in the present. I don't go as far down the path of worst case scenarios as I used to. But I still go.
As much as my f2f meetings help me, I have to admit as a worst case scenario thinker I have a hard time sometimes. Just when I think I am having a good day I will go to a meeting and hear someone talk about something difficult they are dealing with, and I start thinking...what if? That could be me, and it's a scenario I have never thought about before. What would I do? And I start THIINKING. If I am honest I will admit this tendency is there and has been for a long time. It's the reason I don't watch television for the most part. Because most of it I just don't NEED to think about.
My husband and I are thinking about buying a house. The financial aspect of that scares me quite a bit. For some reason I talked about this with my mother last night. She isn't normally someone I would talk this kind of thing out with. But she very calmly listened to what I had to say, and responded, "You probably picked up that thinking from me, because I have always had a tendency to do that, too." It was nice to hear that from her. She also suggested if I spent half as much time thinking about the good things as I do about the bad, things might be a lot easier for me.
It's true, most of my worst case scenarios never come to fruition. And it spawns a lot of worry over nothing. Lord knows I have probably missed some really good TV shows, too...lol.
When I caught myself going off into bad scenario land while listening at my f2f last night, I reminded myself to focus on what I was learning from what this person was saying, not so much on specifically the situation she was describing. The situation was difficult, yes. But her message was how she had used the program and reasoned things out with others to come to a good conclusion for herself. It was a good reminder for me. That I can open my mouth, express myself, and get feedback, as a way to keep myself in the present and get into the reality of things. I can give way too much power to what I am afraid of. Someone at one of my meetings said everyone has two tigers, one good and one bad fighting inside them every day, and the one that grows is the one you feed. How true. I need to remember that.
Thank you for sharing. I always think of the worst case. What if this were to happen. I have the worst habit of that. I am trying really hard not to do it. But it seem to me to be easier then thinking the good. Sometimes when I think the good I get disappoint when it doesn't happen. I do have a lot of time on my hands to think of the bad. I know I should of think more postive. But I am working on it.
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
I, like my mother, am a worrier, then when my youngest son was diagnosed with ADD and Generalized Anxiety some 5 years ago I started reading about worrying...the one quote that has helped me over the years has been...."Worrying is like a rocking chair, it keeps you busy but you don't go anywhere" LOL Hope this can help you!!
There is a certain amount of sense in thinking about the worst case scenario - it's not entirely a bad thing. It's only when carried to extremes that it interferes with your life. What I have found useful is to take action, if possible. I'll use a very practical example, but the basic idea translates into all types of problems. - my basement has a tendency to flood, in bad weather. We can't afford to get this fixed, we also don't have enough room in our house so that we don't need to use the basement for storage. so, when spring comes, I start worrying about the flooding that will happen when the snow melts. Rather than lie awake, worrying about the fate of my stored items, I make sure I spend a weekend down there in late March, organizing everything so that nothing that can be damaged is sitting on the floor. I check the sump pump and make sure it is working, and I make sure my rubber boots are sitting on the landing, ready to step into when needed. Then, I do not allow myself to think about it any more. I have taken what action I can, and the rest is out of my hands.
I keep an emergency pack in the back of the car, I keep some cash on me at all times, and I keep a flexible attitude towards life. When I start to fantasize about worst outcomes, I find it very comforting to be able to think, "Well, I have done what I can at this point to be prepared", and then I can usually stop worrying about it. My most precious resource, in any emergency, is my serenity and my good sense. These I try to always have with me.
When my daughter was drinking, I would lie in bed (my best worry zone), and plan, what would I do if she was dead? Raped? In prison? Hours, I spent, working out the answers .... I had her funeral service mapped out!
Well, strange to say, nothing I envisaged happened. Other things happened (too boring to go into), BUT, she got sober! And, guess what, I was still sick. I came to alanon 5 months after she stopped drinking. Finally realised, could only fix my behaviour problems.
My daughter is strong, in her AA program, she told me, if you pray, why worry? If you worry, why pray? By that time, I had learnt how to pray (atheist - not something I do, usually). Followed Alanon principles, asked only to see HP's will for me, and have the power to carry that out.
On a bad day, I can go back to worrying, but, I recognise now, how mad it is - it is the disease talking. Really want to get away from the disease, so, for the most part, the if you worry, why pray, works for me - one day at a time.
The worst case scenarios thing is how we comfort ourselves, if this happens, this is how we will cope....... It never, ever, works like that. Stay in touch with your Alanon friends, here, online, and f2f, that is how we get better.
