The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"When we admit that our lives have become unmanageable, we don't have to argue our point of view... We no longer have to be right all the time."Basic Text p. 56
#######ROSIE....oh yeah, when i realized that i could not was not going to *fight it anymroe*...all of a sudden, i didn't have to be *right* all the time........it was ok, to be wrong...needing change....needing better perspective....
Nothing isolates us more quickly from the warmth and camaraderie of our fellow 12 step members than having to be "right." Insecure, we pretend to be some kind of authority figure. Suffering from low self-esteem, we try to build ourselves up by putting others down. At best, such tactics push others away from us; at worst, they draw attack. The more we try to impress others with how "right" we are, the more wrong we become.
#######ROSIE....i was programmed by my abuser that i was a failure/ stupid/ jerk/ you know, all the putdowns imaginable to my *self worth* anything that subtracted from my self worth he threw at me.....so i demanded perfection out of myself so as to NOT prove him right........doing that i put more pressure on me....screwed up more as a result, and created a vicious circle of goofing up and resultant self abuse!!!! the more i demanded out of myself, the more i screwed up....the more i screwed up the more i self abused......i did put others down too......i was so down on me, i guess in my sick mind that would pull me up somehow........when i got into recovery, i realized that i did NOT have to be perfect, and over time i accepted my imperfection, so i could accept others and their imperfections.........easing up on me caused me to be able to ease up on others...however one thing i must confess!!! i was more tolerent of others messing up than i was with my own...i mean i showed , really as sick as i was, way more patience wiht others than i did me..........i had to be right all the time to avoid his putdowns, and his attacks on me.....it was a horrible vicious merry go round that had no end to it, or so it seemed........it ended in recovery!!! now i can have a **bad hair* day and ride it out better
We don't have to be "right" to be secure; we don't have to pretend to have all the answers for others to love or respect us. In fact, just the opposite is true. None of us have all the answers. We depend upon one another to help bridge the gaps in our understanding of things, and we depend upon a Power greater than our own to make up for our personal powerlessness. We live easily with others when we offer what we know, admit what we don't, and seek to learn from our peers. We live securely in ourselves when we cease relying on our own power and start relying on the God we've come to understand in recovery.We don't have to be "right" all the time, just recovering.
######ROSIE....thank God, i can be my little ole **perfectly IMperfect* self without all that pressure on me......i have to work at it....make myself practice it, but it is much better......my being totally honest about my program, admitting that i do not know all the answers has made me so much safer to be around......i give esh, i get esh....its a give and take.....i give over to my hp, my *can't do's* and leave it!!!! i give what i know, ask for what i don't know....this is how bad i USED to be!!! i even told God how to do his job...i was sure he was doing it wrong!!!!! talk about an *ego trip*.....and yes, i'll settle anyday for progress over perfection......ANY old day!!!!! thank you DONE
Just for today: God, I admit my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life. Help me live with others as an equal, dependent upon you for direction and strength.
