The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night I posted on the board about inviting my ex over for dinner and how I was confused as to why I even did it. Your responses were that I love him (which I do), that I miss him (which I do), that I need to do for me first (which I don't).
The decision to have him here at what is now MY house laid heavy on my mind all night long. I thought about what I was doing and prayed to my HP to show me the path thats best. I thought about how everytime he has contacted me it was because "he" needed something...lawn mower, clothes, mail, the list goes on and on. But he has never called to see if "I" needed anything. A selfish disease, boy am I finally seeing that!
This morning when I got up, something about his coming here still felt wrong. Then it started to become clear. Why am I catering to him, why am I allowing him to think all is OK and we just have some minor problem, why am I even bothering to talk to him on the phone when he doesn't even have the respect to not be half assed drunk when he calls me. Why am I enabling him to be what he is at my own expense?
Well, I took the path that I knew was best for me. I packed his letter that he needed so bad, his winter coveralls that he needed so bad and his boots that he needed so bad, all of which he said he would pick up when he came over for dinner. I put them all in a nice white bag and before I went to work I stopped at his job. I took the bag, placed it on the back of his truck, got back into my car and went to work myself. Never saw him, looked for him, or even wanted to. But I felt the weight come off of me right away. I finally did what was right for me.
Then after I got off work, I called my youngest daughter who is 23 and we met at the mall. We shopped and had fun! I don't even remember when was the last time her and I did anything like that. Then we went out to dinner, just the two of us. I took everyones advice and treated myself to something. And I had a great time!
My ex called my cell phone and I didn't even answer it. Didn't want to. I was with my daughter, I was for once enjoying myself and I wasn't going to let him ruin it for me. When I got home, there was a voicemail on the house phone from him telling me thank you for dropping his clothes off and to give him a call. If he only knew that what I did today I did for my benefit, not his. I have yet to call him back and don't plan on it for a while. Maybe someday when he isn't so wrapped up in himself (if ever),he'll understand. Either way, I finally did something for me and it felt right.
So thank you all who helped me out. I am so grateful for all of you. And I just have to give you all the ((((((((((hugs)))))))) you deserve.
i had not seen my a for a very, very long time. i had no idea where he was. i mean it was 10 months. he left and i had to move into my barn and rent myhouse.
i almost starved to death. i mean it.
when i happened to call his friend, he answered! We talked and all he asked about was his pickup his tools his dog, everything he abandoned, everything but me.
So believe me I do understand. Now I just accept it. But i tell ya reading everyones posts tonight and remembering.. i am getting mad at my A all over again!!!! lol lol lol
GOOD FOR YOU!! It sounds like it felt WUNDERBAR (WONDERFUL) TO JUST HANG OUT AND REALLY TREAT YOURSELF! YEAH!!!!
In my own experience, when I've done something good for myself, and it just FELT great, it's helped me identify how to have those experiences more often, and to really build a life that feels good to me.
Reading your post made my morning! You sound so positive, and yes, there is a tone of happiness and satisfaction there too. Good for you! Follow your urge to take care of you. That's the best path you can follow. Life's for us to enjoy. We should not be mired in despair. Go girl!
With caring, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I have been reading your posts and I am sooooooooo happy for you also today. Isn't it amazing when we let go with love and confidence.
You deserve the best! We all do and it is within our power, within our grasp - note your icon is an outstretched hand. :) And wow, I'll just bet your daughter is thrilled to have her real Mom back. What a gift!
Keep feeding off today and making decisions good for you -- treating yourself as good as you treat others -- that's key.
Again, congrats on taking this step. IT IS HUGE.
yours in recovery,
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
