The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Anxiety is that range of distress, which attends willing what cannot be willed. --Leslie H. Farber
There are hundreds of ways in which men try to will things that cannot be willed. We will to sleep; we will to have others like us; we will to have sexual virility. In all these things, the force of our will does not work because what we want is not controllable. They come to us as an outcome of many factors - when the situation is right - when we have become ready for them.
#######ROSIE…….oh for me I had to be in control of everything!!!! I tried to force/ manipulate / bargain with life to **give me a break* I **white knuckled* everything……it was like it had to go my way…..and when something **fought me* I went ballistics…..i tried to force my will on anything I touched/ endeavored…..and yeah, the things I was forcing my will on were not controllable, not by me, anyway……I never understood **situations being right* or when I was ready for them……when I first got into recovery, I was wanting to force life to send me a mate……do this….do that……and looking back, I was not ready for a mate…..i don’t know if I am now….but certainly was not then…..and its funny!!!! As I get into a good relationship with me, its ok!!! I don’t care now!!!! I don’t really care if I find someone……if it is in my best interest, it will happen……..if not??? Than I don’t WANT what goes against my life chart……..how many times have I said “whew!!! Thank god I did not get THAT!!!” so now, I just say “what will be will be” I open myself up to my good, making myself a magnet for my good, by changing ME!! My perception of life of God of me!!!! By being honest/ open / willing, I attract good to me now…….
When we could not let go, when we did not know how to turn our life and our will over to the care of God, we became more and more anxious. Then we turned to our addictive or codependent escapes from anxiety and willfulness. It is the folly of our age to try to take charge of everything. We are following a more peaceful and more successful way. We are doing our part and receiving the benefits that come to us.
########ROSIE….i hung onto my issues with clenched hands….i couldn’t let anything go I could not do a release because I figured (old woundology) if I don’t force it….hang onto it…..control it…..nothing is gonna happen…I was afraid of letting go….i was afraid of the helplessness that surely would follow by my letting go……..and yes, I was a walking anxiety attack!!!! I had panic attacks…..ibs…..drinking too much to numb the pain…..escaping into fantasy to get **away from it*……and I turned to alcohol and meds to escape the anxiety I was causing myself……..when I was a child, and all alone, noone to help me….noone to be there for me, I realized that I had to **go it alone* and those old beliefs followed me….to avoid the craziness and volatility and the being helpless, I became a control addict……..now I am learning to **walk away* **detach* **let the karma go*…whatever!!! I am learning to **get out of the way* and you know the instant I make the decision to release, I can **feel* the release of energy to the good…..its like this faint , subtle feeling of release……and my answers come….i do my job…my part…let the rest go or what I call **walk away*….giving life non resistance, causes peace and serenity….i don’t fight life anymore…I don’t try to force life!!!!! I go with the flow, and I am so much more calm, at peace!!!!! No matter how much is said about the darkness and demons being so active , the source of it all is still in charge!!!!! And if I align myself to it/ cooperate with it….the take the power over me away from the dark forces……..by surrendering to the light….i bind them!!!!! This is so true with all aspects of my life….minding my own business….not fighting it….not trying to manipulate , but just **kicking back and non resistance*….not all my circumstances are what I want!!! But I am a heck of a lot better off now than I was……..thank you, DONE
The will of my Higher Power has a loving purpose and is far wiser than I.
Surrender sure is a powerful word here and one that helped me with my own recovery. I have had many years of therapy but it seems that working my program with alanon has brought all things together into a smooth transition to a happier, healthier life. The posts here also help in my recovery too and reading about others lifes and struggles. Keep up the great posts! You sure have great insight into who you are and where you have come from. cdb :)
