The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
having a bit of trouble keeping the focus on me...I am up...it is 12:20 am and of course I am not thinking of my busy day tomorrow at work, I am speculating about what my A is up to. Yesterday was a bad day....Sundays for some reason are very depressing. I am alone in the house...I spent the night with my A on Sat and we had a great night...it reinforced the fact that I was alone I think making it much worse for me. My A was working and said he would call me when he got off...he called later in the day he was watching football with his friend. This is a friend who he often would bet with (a three time champion, my A also has a gambling problem) I was anxious and already upset...we spoke briefly when he stopped by....his car was running and he seemed well, preoccupied...said he was tired after working. I was upset ultimately i think because he didn't seem to want to stay...albeit we spoke of me being upset about some things (non A related) and he made some valid suggestions....turn to today....we spoke a couple of times...he said he would call after his outpatient. We spoke he said the lady who ran thr group was a "bitch".....he was not in a good mood....I mentioned some bills that came in. He said he was having a bad day and didn't want to discuss money....Mneatime I am stressed as my tenants are moving out..I do not have this month's rent and I am stressed about him paying the bills. We had a little pissing mtach about it and decided to talk tomorrow. Tonight as I am laying in bed I see the game on and wonder.......maybe he's gambling. My gut feels as if something is not right....I have learned that "if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...well..." At any rate, I am very stressed. I am going to a f2f tomorrow night after I show the apartment and Ihope it helps. I know ishould not be concerend with what he is doing. But it could really affect me. I don't know what to do.
Kim someone came up with a suggestion the other day of a box that you put your worries in. The box is closed and you cannot open it after you have put your paper in. I remember when I was training in Early Childhood we had a story about the worry tree for kids. When they went to sleep at night they hung their worries on the branches. HP will guide you without you knowing it. Write your thoughts down. You can't fix the problems anyway at 12.20am in the morning. Keep your chin up. Luv Leo
I learned a helpful slogan at my first face-to-face..."Keep your mind where your butt is." Bascially, try to focus on what you are doing at the moment and where you are at the moment.
My daughter found AA about 7 months before I came to Alanon. She is wise beyond her years. I am a worry guts, sigh, think it must, somehow make me feel wholesome to be a worrier.
Anyway, she told me, "If you pray, why worry?", and "If you worry, why pray?". It has helped me, bed time is my worry hour - or more - so, now, I mentally do the gratitude list of 5 good things happened today, then, I try to hand it all over. It works, most times!
