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I can't believe it - he got so drunk last night that he was still drunk this morning and actually went to work. Oh my God!!! He really has no clue. We both work at the same company and carpool so at least I drove. He convinced himself that it's all because his neck is bothering him and he went room at noon - thank God. Not so much for his sake but for mine - I don't want anything coming back at me since we're at the same company - not that it would be legal to do so, but it still worries me.
I hope he's sober enough to come pick me up at the end of the day.
I'm just totally floored...... he just had no clue. Did he actually think people wouldn't notice? Unbelieveable
Yes I can believe it. They have no clue what they look like, act like, and worse, what they smell like. I had to go to our son's school function with him reeking of alcohol. I wished the floor would open up and swallow me up..and he was oblivious. I hate alcohol.
They have themselves convinced that they look and act sober.
When I have told my husband that I know he has been drinking, he looks me in the eye, will swear on anything that he hasn't and then when I start to walk away saying that I will not listen to his lies, he starts insisting that I always think he has been drinking. (He usually has), then demands to know why I think so. At times I have told him, his gait is different, the tone and pitch of his voice, his very face looks different. He insists he is tired, and that is why he looks drunk. There is no convincing him.
Once just to prove something to myself I videod him drunk. Without his knowledge, I left the camera running on a dresser. It was so obviouse to anyone watching how drunk he was, and ranting and acting like a child. When I showed it to him when he was not drinking, he told me see the tape proves, you where wrong and I was sober.
The scariest thing about this disease is we get absolutely delusional. When I was active, I actually belived the lies I was telling myself. My distorted reality was absolute truth to me. Your husband seems to be in that exact state I was in. It really helps me to read this post to reinforce how insane I once was, and how much I need to keep working so I never slip back to that living hell.
I know how painful this must be for you. But thank you for helping me stay sober today.
Gosh this is so familiar the same stories. I too was told I'm tired you always think I'm drinking. Now he is not drinking and he probably is genuinely tired I keep looking for the old patterns. Don't question what you are feeling. We get caught up so much in it that we start to think we are paranoid. You are a good person. Remember that.
I can't believe it - he got so drunk last night that he was still drunk this morning and actually went to work. Oh my God!!! He really has no clue. We both work at the same company and carpool so at least I drove. He convinced himself that it's all because his neck is bothering him and he went room at noon - thank God. Not so much for his sake but for mine - I don't want anything coming back at me since we're at the same company - not that it would be legal to do so, but it still worries me. I hope he's sober enough to come pick me up at the end of the day. I'm just totally floored...... he just had no clue. Did he actually think people wouldn't notice? Unbelieveable
What you shared above is one way of looking at the situation, now here's another:
You said:
I can't believe it - he got so drunk last night that he was still drunk this morning and actually went to work.
********Why can't you believe it? He's an alcoholic, doing exactly what alcoholics not in recovery do: get drunk. Instead of looking at *his* part, why not look at yours: *I can't believe that I am shocked by his actions. Why am I shocked? Why can't I accept that he has a disease and is simply showing the symptoms of his disease by getting drunk? Why do I allow myself to expect anything other than this from him? Why do I continue to set myself up for shock and disappointment every time he drinks? Why do I keep allowing myself to give in to these insane emotions I am having?
You said:
Oh my God!!! He really has no clue. We both work at the same company and carpool so at least I drove.
*********How about.........*I have no clue that by driving to work this morning all I did was enable him? He was able to drink AND show up at work this morning with no negative consequences all because of me and my choosing to enable.
You said:
He convinced himself that it's all because his neck is bothering him and he went room at noon - thank God. Not so much for his sake but for mine - I don't want anything coming back at me since we're at the same company - not that it would be legal to do so, but it still worries me.
*******How about: *I need to mind my own business and focus on myself instead of allowing my head to be filled with his business and the lies he's choosing to tell himself in order to deny his disease. Why am I allowing myself to feel judged because of the actions of my husband, which are completley OUT of my control? What he chooses to do does NOT reflect on me and I need to realize that and accept it. We are two different people. His actions, words and choices do not dictate who *I* am, how others view me, or what I think about myself*
You wrote:
I hope he's sober enough to come pick me up at the end of the day. I'm just totally floored...... he just had no clue. Did he actually think people wouldn't notice? Unbelieveable
*******How about......*I just have no clue if I am honestly expecting him to be sober enough to come pick me up at the end of the day. He is an alcoholic in the grips of his disease and I am choosing to deny this and pretend it's not happening. I am expecting him to conduct himself as a normal healthy person should and refusing to accept that he suffers from a disease which won't allow him to do so. I am setting myself up for a resentment by expecting something from someone else. From someone who is sick and unable to meet my expectations. I am choosing to allow myself to feel victimized.
There's another way to look at your situation that will place all your focus on yourself, instead of on your husband. Since you are the ONLY person on the face of this earth you can change, this would be a more productive way to choose to look at your situation.
It's all about choices. Our choices, not the A's.
Hope looking at things from this other prespective gives you more options. :)
__________________
Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
I can't agree with you Kathy. You have valid points but dogscribe hasn't been to a face to face meeting yet and is relatively a newcomer, and I hope your post doesn't turn her off.
I can't agree with you Kathy. You have valid points but dogscribe hasn't been to a face to face meeting yet and is relatively a newcomer, and I hope your post doesn't turn her off. Here's a slogan that is good for me to hear also, "Trade your microscope in for a mirror."
**********It's ok if you don't agree with me. Regardless of how new she is to the program, the quicker she faces the reality of alcoholism/addictin is the quicker she will begin to heal. When I first came to this program, shares like mine would make me so mad. Any share that placed the focus on me, and suggested that *I* may be the cause of my own misery angered me. *I* wasn't to blame, it was all my A's fault. Right? Wrong. After a while I began to catch on, and it was because of brutally honest shares, such as the one I posted above. Don't get me wrong, I used to love the shares where people would agree with me that my A was an ass, and sympathize with me for all the nonsense he was putting me through, however those shares did nothing for my recovery. It was the people that forced me to look at myself, my mindset, my reactions, my choices.......those are the people that helped me along in my recovery.
__________________
Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
