The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been having such a hard time lately keeping my mind on "one day at a time" worrying about what will I do IF I make the choice to leave the home for awhile. Of course, a gazillion scenarios come creeping into my head and w/three kids and a houseful of animals, I, at times, felt stuck...like I was powerless.
Today I decided to take a step and find out what my options are. I found out I prequalify for 100% financing on a house, that the area of that I would prefer to move to the kids could be open enrolled in their school w/transportation provided by the school district, and being that I want to keep doing daycare I am already licensed in this county and the paperwork is already done...I would just need to have the house inspected.
This doesn't change my decision to wait 6 months before making a decision, but now I feel like I have a choice. I am choosing to stay put for now even though there is another totally dooable option at my fingertips if/when need be.
I also have been suffering from anxiety again...and I decided to ask my doc to go back on meds that I was temporarily on before. He wrote me a 12 month script and I start those tomorrow.
None of this changes my situation, none of it changes the issues we are dealing with. But I feel a bit empowered to know that I can do what I want to do when I want to do it. I can put all those lil' worries away for now and focus on other things.
Good for you. It is always good to know what your options are. I noticed though you wrote you have decided to wait six months....I just read a funny thing posted, I think it was Uncle Lou that said.....I made plans and God laughed.....or something similar to that....you will know in your heart of heart what you need to do and when you need to do it or not do it. You have inspired me to check on what my options are....Thank you!
Options were what made it easier for me to make the break when I needed to. After we got married three years ago, we had made a decision to put an apartment in the house. It was expensive to live here(we are in NY) and it supplemented our incomes. As the house was left to me by my mother we made a decision once the apartment was done that I would get the rent each month. I paid the mortgage and he paid the house bills. I chose a long time ago not to share an account with him b/c that would spell trouble. He had once taken 800 out to cover gambling debts and that ended that! At any rate, when I suspected gambling again last year, I decided it was time for me to refinance the house to do some work. I never told my A, kept it quiet until it was done. I didn't want the pressure of having him telling me how much to take out etc.... I did it on my terms. My tenants have been in for a year, I am very lucky. The work is completed on my house. When he relapsed this time I was in a financial position to say, "you need to leave". I couldn't have done that three years ago. I guess my point is is that options give us some freedom to make those choices. It can be hard to do otherwise. Your doing really great. I admire your goal setting. Keep it up!
