The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, my birthday is today. And the whole weekend a bust. An argument with my friends (one of whom is my best friend) erupted (it is a long story) however, it was my standing up for myself and not accepting unaccpetable behavior that started it however, in the end I also got very angry. It was a hurtful situation and my friend left and we are not speaking. My A and I started speaking on Thursday when I called to see how he was doing. On Friday he had a Dr's appt in NYC with his specialists (he is gene positive for a genetic disorder) and he asked that I call him after my conference which was all day on Friday. I did and we had a nice chat his doctors in NYC are going to be in contact with his outpaitent so that everyone is on the same page. He will recieve his therapy at his outpatient and they will monitor his medication. He has been on the right track. Not there yet but it's not me taking care of things. My friend was coming that evening. He called Sat afternoon. He was crying. He missed me, he was depressed. I spoke to him for a while and he seemed OK. I told him I loved him. I went about my evening with my friends. AS I said, it turned out to be a nightmare. I was so upset that yesterday I called my A crying. He offered to come and stay with me for a while. He brought me dinner, he held me while I cried. I had missed him in a lot of ways, but yet I am PETRIFIED that he will use this. I was honest. I said that. My level of distrust for you is so deep that I am even afraid that you will misconstrue this and use it to your advantage. He left and went to a meeting and came back with ice cream. We spent some more time together. He left at a reasonable hour. Was I foolish for all of this? Did I make a mistake to reach out to him when I was hurting and upset?
I know how painful and confusing this must be for you. Maybe you could use some advice one of my therapists gave me. I think it sounds easier to do than it is.
How were you being foolish by reaching out to someone you needed? You did what you had to do.
It's not a bad thing to keep your guard up a bit. We all do with the people we love. We're afraid of being taken advantage of. Of falling into the old traps. That's natural.
Just step back and take it one day at a time. You're doing great. Remember to be good to you.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I think you did what you needed and wanted to do. Only you know if it was right or not. If it helped then it sounds like it was a good thing. You took baby steps and that is ok. Trust you heart.
Things will get better! Keep coming back and take care of YOU!
