The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just want to thank all of you who responded. They actually made me cry but I needed that too. I just want to find a way to help her, she's my baby, she's 30 years old and so much to look forward to. I don't understand, I did everything I could the reason I stayed with her was to be there for the kids so she wouldn't lose them, she was so happy everything was over she drank and lost them the very next day. I should know there isn't much or nothing I can do I tried it all with my husband and he's almost 60 and is still drinking, I can relate to almost every story, the being alone , the worry, fustration, the hate and love relationship I've felt it all. It as all just dragged me down to the point I never feel any happiness.
I'd like to try AL-Alon again I went 25 years ago it did help me see that my feelings were normal but I never did learn to let go. How do you do that?
I can let her hit bottom it would be hard but the trailer is in my name so in a sense I'm responsable in the end for the payments. I just feel stuck we'll soon be old enough to retire this is going to ruin us. I just pray that things works out and I'll start saying that prayer again
Is it possible to keep up on her house payments, but don't let her know that you HAVE to do it. Let her think that she is the one responsible. If her power gets shut off, water, no food in the house...those are things you don't have to pay. Yes, it is difficult to detach. I work on it daily and it's been five years. I finally tried to get busy with my own life and persue my own interests. I also quit having expectations. One day, my husband told me that he feels that he is never good enough for me but was trying his best. I realized that he was right. I expected so much from him and thought I saw potential. I was expecting more than was possible of him. I had to lower my expectations. I found that when I did that, I was let down less often. I know you are worried for your grandbabies. It sounds as if being out of the home is best for them right now. It is probably best for you also. You don't have to be there everyday and watch her decline. Someone in Alanon once told me that by interfering with my husband's addiction I may be preventing the very crisis that will lead him to recovery. It is something to think about.
