The material presented
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to exchange
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level.
My life seems to be totally turned upside down and I'm not sure who to turn to right now. I'm trying to make some decisions about whether to stay in my marriage or walk away from it to see if it will make him decide to do something about his problem.
We have been married for almost 7 years. Have a 6 year old daughter and expecting our second in January. He has always been a drinker but it seems that things have progressively gotten worse since this baby came into the picture. There are lots of other problems we are dealing with at this moment, mostly financial things, and when you add it all together it just seems like it is getting to be more then I can cope with at the moment.
I'm having some problems with this pregnacy and have had to stop working. Naturally, that has only added to the money woes. My hubby doesn't seem to understand anything about how I am feeling and I truely don't believe that he thinks that he has a problem.
He drinks everyday, usually until he is totally drunk. It is affecting the entire family. Our daughter has already started making excuses for her dad to her friends and this just makes me sick. I grew up in a home where I had to deal with the effects of alcohol and what it did to my parents marriage and our family life. I really don't want my children to have to endure what I went through as a child.
I just don't know where to start to get some help in learning to live with this or to walk away. Please, someone talk to me!!!!!
First of all I would like to welcome you to Al Anon and give you a big hug (((Annie))). We have all been where you are in one way or another. I left my husband 7 weeks ago and returned home to him still drinking this past weekend because of financial reasons and because I just plain out missed him. If your husband isn't being physically abusive to you or your child I can't tell you whether to leave or not but before you do anything you need to ask yourself some questions and weigh your options. Do you have a place to go? Can you afford to leave? What happens if he doesn't quit drinking? When I left my husband I was not prepared for the consequences of my actions. I thought he would do anything to save our marriage and instead I didn't hear from him for over two weeks which left me feeling like he didn't care about me or our marriage. I pray that everything works out for you Annie. Remember the 3 C's. You didn't cause it. You can't control it. And you can't cure it. Keep coming back.
We can't help you decide what to do, but I can tell you that anything you do in hopes of making HIM do something, is not likely to do much good. We have found that we can't do much about the alcoholic, but there is a lot we can do about, and for, ourselves.
You can read old posts here, and see what others in your situation have done. There are links here to alanon meeting locations and schedules, and we have meetings here, and real time chat. If you can get hold of some alanon literature, please read some, I can guarantee that you will recognize yourself in it.
I think we all started here with some version of your post. should I stay or should I go?
the Main point is that we are all here for support, experience sharing and hope. We know that we have to help ourselves and our children--and we can do that if we apply the knowledge we gain via alanon and the collective wisdom of the membership. Will the A in our life change? Maybe--maybe not. But this one life is all that you or I have been given and we better make the best of it no matter what everyone else does. Sometimes it seems harder than others--especially with little kids, pregnancy, amidst other family crises, holidays. Its not fun, but there is sooo much to learn thru this board and face to face meetings. You sound like you already know what alcoholism does to families---but what are YOU going to do for yourself? good luck on the journey- Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
