The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I have finally got it. About a month or so ago I started working on Letting go and Letting God.....as hard as it has been to trust my HP I have worked especially hard on this, as it is easier to trust my HP to take care of things than for me to worry, worry, worry about my A and my life. This weekend was typical; he went out Friday, called to say he was coming home around 9pm only to show up around 2am. Saturday we spent the day and evening together and then Sunday he went golfing and then didn't come home until close to 10pm. I think I got it, this let go thing....I didn't feel abandon, I didn't get angry, I didn't yell, or nag, or cry. I think I have detached with love and am letting my HP do what he needs to do without my interrupting. I am going to examine this more closely and see if this is what happened. It felt good not to have that panicky feeling in my stomach, no fast heartbeat, or dry mouth. I like this and still feel like I am worthy and loveable. This is Great!
You are so on the right track. Now the next step is for him to be wondering where you are as you live you life to the fullest while his is doing the same old same old. I will tell you, he may never be sober, but he'll act differently as your reactions to his behavior change.
Congratulations Mary - You've felt your first bit of SERENITY and I agree with you - it's a lot better than the panicky stomach, fast heartbeat and dry mouth.
I'll also guarantee that the next time you lose your serenity it won't take you long to stop what you're doing and Let Go and Let God take care of things.
It's almost as if a heavy load has been taken off your shoulders isn't it?