The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so sorry for your pain.. I am feeling the same way myself. I am moving out today and it is so hard.. I am keeping this message board up and keep coming back for more and more support.
I wish there was another way for me too but I like you see no other way. I am sad, to move on without him. Leaving behind someone who is hollow, or at least not the man I married. Who am I kidding maybe he is and I am just not the person he married. Either way, it is SAD.. I am SAD..
Alcoholism, to me, is the most difficult thing I've encountered in my life.
I've gotten pretty far into divorce proceedings and now my husband is again seeking recovery. I don't want to be negative, but it seems so unlikely for people to be truly successful. I have 2 toddlers, so for their sake I hope he gets it. But who knows??
I really keep the focus on myself and my babies and if he gets there, great, if not, we go on.
Something that EVERYONE should focus on when they are making the choice to move on from an unhealthy relationship is that it is A NEW BEGINNING. Try not to focus on the negative and what you think is a failed relationship because the truth is that just by being here for as long as so many of you have is an indication of how much you tried. Knowing that you should be a peace within because trying as hard as everyone does to mend and keep these relationships just proves how much love you have in your heart. Isn't it time though to have that love returned? EVERYONE is deserving of love and to continue living a life of hell is not good for anyone, nor something that we OWE to anyone, ESPECIALLY an alcoholic who cares little for themselves.
Bottom line, we've given all we have to give, but there comes a point, we MUST walk away to heal ourselves and grow in our relationship with God. After all, that is what we are here for......
Diva, think of your decision as growth and an indication of an acceptance that is beyond our control. Nobody is anyones responsibility and God wants us to live a fruitful, happy, life...... I believe being in these relationships continues to keep us away from truly knowing what it is God wants for us. It distorts our perception of what is good/bad and has us always questioning ourselves for who we are by our reactions to these unhealthy people. It takes our energy and focus off what God wants for our life and has us consumed in something irrelevant.
Sorry to hear this! Try to look for the positive in things, I know its so hard. Divorce sucks. Period. But, I have come through it now and am a much changed person. Much more to the better too! But I am jumping ahead, pray for the next right thing to do Diva, and know that we will be here to support you always!
Supportive ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) Diva and Tammy. My thoughts and prayers are with you!! Have faith that your HPs will guide you in whatever you choose to do. We are here for you, Much Love, TLC
I am so very sorry, although I am not surprised. There is an expression which goes: "A man takes a drink... A drink takes a drink... A drink takes a man." Of course you must do what is best for you. Get recommendations for several attorneys. Speak to them. Make sure you are comfortable with the person you are going to use. I went to see 2 different attorneys and I chose the second one as I felt she gave the best advice.
Also, make sure you are making decisions at a pace that is comfortable for you. Don't feel that you have to rush. Be as certain as you can be that your heart and your mind are in harmony about any choice you make.
Make certain that you have a safe place that you can go to in the event your news makes him angry. Make sure you have removed anything you place a value upon before breaking the news. And, make sure you have a packed suitcase ready to go in case you have to leave in a hurry.
My thoughts are with you. We are in the same boat at the same moment, so don't feel you are alone on this next leg of your journey.
I'm in the same spot you are. I saw an attorney two months ago and got the information so when I'm ready I"ll know what to do. Just having the info was comforting. I like to very sure that I'm protecting myself and doing the right thing for me. I haven't left yet but my departure is looming.
Just know that you don't have to go right away if you have any qualms.
Dear Diva, you have such a clear internal gyroscope that I know you will do what serves you best. Treat yourself as good as you would a dear friend. I hate that you have this in the middle of your marriage! most of all, take care of yourself. Jill
Diva, All I can do is pray for you, hope you stay strong & don't let him talk you back in, untill he has been sober, in a program for at least a year or more. You know him better then we do,so you should know when hes..'just talking' ...or when hes serious. My X-DAd didn't drink in, but he threw my Mother & us kids all over the house, they divorced when I was 10yrs., when he broke her arm. My Mom said that was enough,my X-Dad broke my arm,which never healed right,cause I took the cast off early,it wasn't talked about in the '50's, so I was embaresed to keep telling my story, or having kids say to me...'is he Superman?' not knowing he didn't need to be strong to break a childs arm, he also knocked my thumb out of joint, so I have arthritis in my thumb & in my left arm. You didn't say your husband beat you or the kids, but watching my X-Dad beat my Mom, call us rotton names,telling us we wern't his kids anyway, why should he feed us. Funny thing is all 3 of us looked alot like him, he did remarrie,well he HAD to she came from a very poor family & had a 9lb.something 'premie' baby, also another girl...both didn't look like him at all. But my Stepmother would play around with with the support check, putting the wrong numb.,forgetting the stamp, which put my Mother & sister in poverty, we were Homeless when there wern't any help for homeless people. She told me once...I promised myself when I had kids,they would not want for anything. One of my promises was ...when I got married I would never get divorced, so I stayed with my A, who beat me for 11yrs,untill I said ..'ENOUGH' He left for 8-9 mons. saw the kids,I think the most time he spent with them,sober. I'll tell you more of what it was like to live with an A who abused me, I have quite a story. But your main thing is those Babies, not you or your A, sorry to be so blunt. PLEASE keep us informed, I worry about you, with every drink of Beer or whatever hes saying to you F*, your not inportant,my beer is more inportant then you or my babies. Be Safe sweetie,I'am here for you. Hugs, Pegi
I'm so sorry, I really am. But you are strong, I have seen that from the first day I posted here. So hang in there girl and just do the best you can. I believe in you and you will be ok, no matter what happens or what you decide. I am certainly praying for you!!!
