SEPTEMBER 16
>Revenge
>
>No matter how long we ve been recovering, no matter how
>solid our spiritual ground, we may still feel an
>overwhelming desire at times to punish, or get even, with
>another person.
>
#####ROSIE...oh yeah, i have the tendency to be very vindictive....i know i have to *give that up*  all the time, especially lately.....someone hurts me i want to squash  them!!!  i guess it goes back to  *now i am big and i can take care of you*  when in the past when i was small i had to *suck it up and take it*    its like you feel   *ok, people messed me around *then* ,   let them try it *now**.....but you know what????   they aren't worth it!!!  i find that  confronting them and being honest and open about what they did or did not do to me is better,   and if they are toxic/unhealthy slime balls???   dumping them and giving them over to karma is the best thing!!!!  noone escapes the karma.......i have had people who scewed me,  need me later,  and i would just  *not interfere*  and let them fend for themselves.....that  is not revenge!!! that is just   *its over--- you take care of your own  crap--i am not lifting a finger to  hurt you, and i won't lift a finger to help you*  when i cut someone off, they are cut off....

>We want revenge.
>
>######ROSIE....oh yeah,  for me its like  *well god didn't take care of me when i needed him so i gotta take care of my enemies myself*   but i see i was wrong.....if i have to face the bad karma i make,  everyone  does!!!!  everytime i make bad karma,   i know it pretty soon, because in the eyes of the universe  *i know better*   it seems the more recovered i am , the quicker i get *smacked*  when i do wrong!!!  so if that applies to me, it applies to everyone

We want to see the other person hurt the way he or she has
>hurt us.  We want to see life deal that person just
>rewards.  In fact, we would like to help life out.
>

#######ROSIE.....oh yeah,  there are a few people  all   past tense in my life, whom i wanted to see  get the karma they deserve......and yes, i did in the past  *help life out*   today??? the temptation is there, but i am learning and progressing to the point where i trust in the  karma more and more.......i recently dumped people whom i thought were close to me.....thought they would be in my life for the long haul...... with all the  lies   and broken  promises  they did to me.....yes, the temptation for revenge was there,  but you know what????  they are NOT worth the negative energy it creates in MY life if i do that.......i turned them over to thier   higher power and karma  and i   walked  away!!!!    my circle of   family and friends is smaller now,  but i don't need  crappy  sucky people in my life!!!!!!   i think  tellling them  *what*  they did,  and *how*  it impacted me   and than its MY choice whether or not i want to keep them......but whatever,   they have to face their  wrong doings sooner or later......help life out????   now i get out  of the way so life can take care of them  exactly as needed!!!!!   getting out of the way, to me,  frees  me and  frees them to experience the karma they  made.....they are NOT worth  the energy it takes plotting revenge,  hating them,  wishing bad on them......they will  *get the lesson*   when it is due and it will be right!!!!! 

>Those are normal feelings, but we do not have to act on
>them.  These feelings are part of our anger but it's not
>our job to deal justice.
>

######ROSIE...... yeah,  i had the feelings alright.....this was real  recent too for me,  i had all *kinds*  of fantasy of making them suffer,   but what for?????  that makes them important to me!!!  and they are NOT!!!   i deleted them out of my life,   erased all their emails, which were bullshit anyway,   deleted all the pictures i had of  them.....*god bless and move over*   they are not worth it....after i had my  feelings,  i confronted them what they did,  and how unhealthy they were for me, and and i got rid of them!!!  ....let  karma take care of them..... i notice  AS i fill my heart up with love for me and my  *keeper*  relationships,  i don't have time / energy for the negative ones......its much easier for me to say  *god bless*   and walk away......i think  losing me and my friendship is lesson right there...losing good relationships is very sad.....and they lost me!!!!  whatever karma life has for them????  its not  my business anymore.....

>We can allow ourselves to feel the anger.  It is helpful
>to go one step deeper and let ourselves feel the other
>feelings - the hurt, the pain, the anguish.  But our goal
>is to release the feelings, and be finished with them.
>
>#####ROSIE.... yes, i did,  i felt the anger...i confronted them..... some i kept in my life with firm boundaries .......the rest i dumped.....sent emails  (didn't want to waste a phone call)  to the effect that  *you/this are unhealthy for me---it is divorce time*  and that was it.....and yes, there was hurt and pain and grief,  but its funny  with the ones i dumped......i think i had already felt the hurt/grief  while they were *in*  my life....when it came to the point of dumping them??? it was like   *get RID of them---its OVER---i am DONE with these people*....i had the feelings while i was still   *trying to get them to  love/treat me right*   that is when i had the hurt/grief....by the time i had dumped them????  i felt  nothing--zero  for them,   nothing but the urge to   get rid  of them....FREE myself of their bullcrap  now??? its like i feel  free.....i can *move on from it now*.....it was a few months ago i felt the pain/grief, cuz i KNEW i was walking away....i KNEW it was over!!!    wow,  that is funny,  thinking of it.....these past few days, since i *took care of me*  i feel  like  *new days are ahead--lets enjoy today--and to hell with the past*   i sleep good!!!   i eat good!!  i feel good cuz i took care of ME!!!!!

We can hold the other person accountable.  We can hold the
>other person responsible.  But it is not our responsibility
>to be judge and jury.  Actively seeking revenge will not
>help us.  It will block us and hold us back.
>
>########ROSIE....yes i did....one thing about me....i am not  shy about letting one know they *harmed me*   and how it impacted me  and  what  boundary or amend i need to make for ME..... and i do  see and agree now  that revenge is a total  waste of time!!!!  it sucks the life out of the person doing it....now,   if one of these   *EX relationships*  ever needed me, i would say something like  *this is not  my problem,  you are not in my life, you must work this out by yourself*   and i would  detach !!!!   when  i get rid of someone,  they are gone!!!  and that means their  need for help too!!!!  thats part of life!!!  actively seeking revenge  takes my time away from taking care  and that AINT gonna happen....i trust in karma  thoroughly....

Walk away.  Stop playing the game.  Unhook.  Learn your
>lesson.  Thank the other person for having taught you
>something valuable.  And be finished with it.  Put it
>behind, with the lesson intact.
>
>

#####ROSIE....i did!!  i *walked* .....i detached ....and you know what????  it felt  good ....i learned my lesson,  i learned this-----  that  love and approval must come from  WITHIN me  first... i learned to quit  looking  WITHOUT for my love/acceptance/approval----  that is based within me...i also learned  how to detect  unsafe people too......i also    thanked my inner child for  *holding back*   a lot of love and trust for these people  because they hadn't  *proved themselves to me*   it was like i cared about them/  wanted it to work,  but it was in the *back of my mind*  that they were not  going to be *keepers*....i learned huge lessons in taking care of me....i am GRATEFUL for that!!!!!

Acceptance helps.  So does forgiveness - not the kind that
>invites that person to use us again, but a forgiveness
>that releases the other person and sets him or her free to
>walk a separate path, while releasing our anger and
>resentments.  That sets us free to walk our own path.
>------
>

#####ROSIE....oh yeah, i LOVE this....i was *aware*  of the fact they were no good for my life  several months ago.....than came the *acceptance* ,  and that did not come for a while...i had to *process* it first....feel the feelings of  anger/frustration/and yes resentment,   than  i too  the  proper *action*  by dumping them,  i knew it was a waste, thinking they would ever *change*   that thinking is gone from my life....i can only change ME......and i  forgive them!!!! i totally forgive them because i trust in karma.....i set myself and them free to  write our own and very separate  life songs....i can even talk about the positives about them now...it is like, i can remember the  laughter and  the recovery issues we *hashed over*  and say  *thank you god for using these people to teach me how to take care of me*......i used to think forgiveness was *allowing them to continue to let me down*   nope!!!!  forgiveness to me now, means, for the *non keepers*------  *cutting them loose---detaching ----giving them over to their god---walking away*   if they are a keeper????------- forgivness means  working the problems out ....setting boundaries.....and taking care of me.....if they can't respect my boundaries????  than i re-evaluate the relationship again

Today, I will be as angry as I need to be, with a goal of
>finishing my business with others.  Once I have released
>my hurt and anger, I will strive for healthy forgiveness -
>forgiveness with boundaries.  I understand that boundaries,
>coupled with forgiveness and compassion, will move me
>forward.

######ROSIE.....it was last june i felt the anger/resentment/and  yes,  hurt/pain.....in september when i  *took care of me*   i was  so  done with these people  so through with them, it was like  this monsterous  release!!!!  i finished my business with them.......and like i said,  either *release with boundaries*   or  *release with divorce*   one or the other....either way i am taking care of me.....and i did take care of me....and my inner child is  happy with me and she comes out less and less in negative ways.....its funny i had to make an amend with her!!  she KNEW these  *non keepers*  were not to be  loved or trusted!! she warned me over and over again,  and i listened, but i still kept them in my life.....when i dumped them???? i had to tell her   *hey you knew!!!  you were right about these people...and i am sorry i did not act upon your wisdom and kept them around longer-- i will learn to listen to you better*   i had to make amends with my IC  cause she KNEW!!!!  but you know ???  i had to see it, i had to do the *learning thing* before it was time to  *cut them loose*.........wow this was a really cool  *language of letting go*  entry....i really need to keep lookin at my heart and work the steps accordingly......i am progressing...i am me....i am OK with me!!!!!   thank you,   rosie