"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

chrissy · Senior Member

HE BLEW IT AGAIN

megan · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Chrissy

I have heard that sometimes it takes several attempts at AA before it sticks.

I am so sorry that your A is drinking again, that is awful news.

take care of yourself. One minute at a time if you have too.

Megan

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry Chrissy. I know that sick feeling too well. I am feeling it now. It is so hard to know what road to travel on this journey. Love and hate all mixed together; hard to deal with. You are in my prayers and positive thoughts, and I send you great hugs. Diva

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

On Aug 5 my husband was acting kind of funny. He was talking about wanting to be with his old friends that he wasn't able to see them because they were drinking. He was thinking of smoking pot again and he was thinking of drinking again. He was sober for 6 months at this point. On Aug 6 my husband again was acting funny and I was starting to worry that something was up. We were fighting in the car like we use too. We went down to an AA dance and went to see his nephew and his kids, we dance at the an had fun. I just had a weird feeling. On Aug 8 he sent my flowers for one year being married and I thought that was very nice. We went out to diner and i had left my rings home by accident and he did get upset about that. On Aug 9, he told me that he was going to go to the bank and I had a funny feeling but I ignored it. I really didn't want him taking my car. I wanted to go to a meeting that night. Well 7:00 came, I had to go to my meeting at 7:30, 8:00 came, 10:00 came, 12:00 came, and now since 7:00 I was panicking because I was calling him and he didn't answer the phone. I kept calling some people to talk to and I tried to keep calm but my mind was racing and I was driving myself very nuts. I called his phone all night long. I text message him to come home that I missed him. I missed him so much. Well 6 am came along and I got a call from him, I was mad but so happy to hear from him. I ask what happen and he told me that he was at a park and he feel a sleep. I was happy that I didn't cut my arm out of angry and didn't brak any glass, what I did do however was kept my poor mom up.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

I've recently experienced the same thing. What has helped me is to not expect him to be what he isn't. He is an alcoholic, and will always be an alcoholic his whole life.
I understand that there will always be a battle within him. I'm dissapointed, but not surprised when he drinks. It's hard to live with the fact that he could come home drunk on any given day, but it is reality. I find if I prepare myself, even expect it from him, it doesn't hurt quite so bad when it happens. It doesn't feel like he is doing this to me.
Unfortunately, we tend to be left in their path of destruction. But that is where we place ourselves. I can't allow another person to make me feel like my life is out of control because only I am in control. If he drinks today, I am the same person I was yesterday when he didn't. He drank, that's the only difference.

I'm not saying it doesn't affect me at all, I am sad. But I am sad for him. I refuse to let it send me spiraling in to that black pit that I fought so hard to claw myself out of.

Christy
(Cjo)

chrissy · Senior Member

thanks guys its now 10::18 am still have not hears and he did not show up for work we can't afford to have him lose another job we are two months his boss left 3 messages on his cell phone i dont know what to do anymore

marmare · ~*Service Worker*~

I find that when this happens at my house, I really have to concentrate on me. I fall asleep some nights saying "let go let God" it is not easy. The worry, frustration, hurt, and anger. Some nights are better then others. My A doesn't do it all the time but when he does it's hard. When I do fall asleep I wake up on and off all night. I have learned a lot of skills in the last year; I no longer will get in a fight with him when he does show up.

I no longer really say a lot about the incidents and when I do I use the "I" statements... (You fill in the blanks)...I feel _______ (hurt, etc.) When you _______ (say your coming home, etc) because ___________ (it is rude, etc) I would rather _________ (you kept your phone on, or don't say your on your way if your not) It takes work and thought to organize these words but it is working for me. I can express myself, he can't really get defensive when I start with the word "I”.....I never do this when he is drunk; I wait until he is sober and it seems like an appropriate time.

Hang in there, work on you.......

Hugs Mary

jessi · Senior Member

Chrissy,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I know all too well the panic and anxiety that filled me when my A wouldn't come home for hours and hours and then the relief when she finally came home alive. My life at that time was completely unmanagable but I couldn't even see it then. I was too busy running from crisis to crisis... Al-Anon has helped me immensely. It helped me learn that her drinking had nothing to do with me. It helped me survive a very painful breakup and have the courage to take a year off of relationships to get to know ME for the first time in my life.

I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Please stay with the group and the program and take it one day at a time. It will get better.

Love and hugs,
Jessi

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Chrissy.... living with active alcoholism, without a program of support and recovery of your own, is truly too much for most of us.... It is a world full of unmet expectations, lies, and disappointments....

With Al-Anon and other support, you will be able to reach a point where you become less dependant on what the alcoholic does or doesn't do, and that is great for YOUR health...

Sorry for your tough day, but the reality is that your A is doing what A's do.... he is drinking, and then trying hard to blame everyone else for HIS issues.

Take care

Tom

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"