The material presented
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I don't know if my hubby is a full blown alcolholic or just a problem drink/alcolhol abuser. However, he is 34 years old and acts as if he is still in college. I have asked him to seek help for his drinking but his only answer is "I don't have a problem". He isn't abusive or nasty. He holds a very good job and loves both myself and our son. However, I know what alcoholism can do to a family. There is a history of it in mine. We have been together for 5 years and our son is 3. My issue is I no longer respect him as a man. I understand, consciously, that this is a disease, but cannot get over that lack of ability to take care of me and our son. I do not feel it is fair to keep him in this relationship when I am no longer "in love" with him. However, I am afraid to do more harm to our son if I separate them at such a young age. I have 3 options that I see. Stay, and put up with this until he leaves. Legally separate, although I cannot see me wanting to reconcile later. Or divorce him. Any and all advice is welcome.
Well, we're not real big on advice here. Some of us have stayed, some have left. Some of our loved ones have quit drinking, some have quit but relapsed, and some have never even tried to quit. Alanon is a program that will help you to find serenity and joy in life, whether you stay or go, and whether the A is still drinking or not. The focus is on you, not the A. It may sound silly, why focus on you, when HE is the problem? We have fouind that alcoholism is a family disease, and you can't live with it without being affected.
Why not stick around, read some old posts, check out some of our literature, and maybe go into the chat room for a bit. You will probably find something that speaks to you. There is help for you here, if you give the program a chance. Welcome.
Here are words you can live by: If his drinking is causing you a problem, then he has a drinking problem, and if you stay for him, "because of the children" you are making a big mistake.
With caring, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
..issue is I no longer respect him as a man. ...when I am no longer "in love" with him...
Only my opinion... These two phrases jumped out at me. I would ask myself; would I respect the person and maybe still be "in love" if the innapropriate behavior was eliminated? If the answer is no, Al-anon is a great place to process all of this and get through it with some help of people who can share their experience strength and hope with you. If the answer is yes, Al-anon is a great place to process all of this and get through it with some help of people who can share their experience strength and hope with you. Got it? His admission of a problem will be the biggest obstacle to overcome on the way to sobriety. Unfortunately, as in my case (I'm sober 2 years) denial is very strong until you reach bottom and are willing to do anything to stop the pain. I denied my problem for years also. If he is a real alcoholic, he may drag you and your family down to that bottom, IF YOU ALLOW IT. My ex-wife hung in there with me 14 years of marriage, and didn't call it quits until I got sober. If you're sure you don't love him, you may not want wait.
Hi there glad uposted here today , it really dosen't matter if husb is an A or not what matters is that his drinking is causing u a problem and Al-Anon can help u there. Please don't make a life altering decission before giving our program a try for at least 3 months . you may feel quite diff in that time. This is a disease and the only thing I know for sure that if you leave , you take you with you. u may not recognise it now but his behavior has affected your thinking , the way u act and react and u too need to recovery before deciding to stay or go.
I thought I didnt love my husb anymore either but found out I simply hated what he was doing not the man. We have 15 ys sobriety here and me al aon for 20 , I came here because of him and i stayed for me. I got my life back and use this program as a positive way to live my life today. thanks to Al-Anon I am a good wife today a better mom and daughter and i learned how to be a true friend. hope u give us a try Louise
