The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was just browsing the web and I found this website. I'm 20 years old and live with my parents while going to school full-time. I moved out for awhile because I couldn't stand being in the same room with my mother. She drinks every single night and acts completely unaware of what has been going on. This isn't anything recent, it's been going on as long as I can remember. At least since I was in Jr. High.
I never really put it together at the time though. She was always saying that I was sick or troublesome. Having me go to therapy for being "depressed". I was never depressed...frustrated but never depressed to the point of needing therapy. I always wondered why she always thought I had issues. I always felt like SHE should be the one going to therapy...not me.
Truth is anyone can benefit from therapy but at that young age I was just frustrated. Now as i'm older it's even harder to deal with. I feel like I am the only person wanting this to end. My dad knows it's going on but doesn't want to talk or do anything about it. My brother is married & moved out awhile ago. When my dad is around it's just typical ramblings and anger rants. When he isn't around she gets flat out cruel. She will insult me & my boyfriend that I have been with for years now. I won't get into detail but she will say things that nobody should say to their child. I know it's not really her talking but I just want it to stop. I feel like if i'm the only person trying to make this problem aware to her that it will be pointless. She denies everything. She will eventually fall asleep smashed after annoying everyone else to the point of going to sleep and wake up like nothing happened.
I can't do that. I can't wake up and pretend nothing was said the night before. My dad may be okay with it but i'm not. I don't like her insulting my boyfriend (with plans to marry someday) either. I wish she would accept him as family. She has no reason to dislike the guy or me for that matter.
I'm just out of ideas. I know it has nothing to do with liking or disliking a person. Sometimes I just wonder how someone can say things that are so hurtful.
Any insight would be helpful. I'm just frustrated.
__________________
A circle is the reflection of eternity. It has no beginning and it has no end - and if you put several circles over each other, then you get a spiral.
- Maynard James Keenan
welcome! alanon is a great place for you to be. It helps u learn about alcoholism and how it affects us and our families. It will help u whether your mom keeps drinking or gets help. Growing up with an alcoholic is more than most of us can handle alone. with the support of people who have been/are living in similar shoes--it make the burden a little lighter. U might really benefit from finding a live meeting in your area---cyber support is great, but its hard to simulate a real hug! take care and keep coming back-- try the online meetings at this site too, they're great
__________________
In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
Hi , glad u posted here today it's tough living with an alcoholic I hope that u will consider going to Al-Anon for yourself , you have been affected by your moms drinking and behavior and you too need to recover. there is also another program al-anon adult children which would benefit you alot . You cannot change other people , the only person u have any control over is yourself and your attitude.
Your dad is in denial and is doing the best he can at the moment,perhaps he would consider Al-Anon meetings for himself. As family members we are enablers , we lie for them make excuses for their crappy behavior cover up thier mistakes etc when we stop doing those things we will begin to see change.
Al-Anon will help u get your like back on track as u begin to understand the nature of this disease. good luck hope u give our program a try. Louise
Hey, i'm in a similar situation. I'm 19, live at home, and my dad drinks heavily while my mum is passive to it. likewise, it feels like i'm the only one trying to do something whilst going mad in the process!
i think the main thing is to look out for yourself. you're not the parent here, don't let them put the burden solely on you. if you walk into the house and your mum has been drinking, walk back out again if its gunna help you cope. maybe you could stay with your boyfriend or a relative for a while just for a breather?
Being angry and frustrated is all part of it, it's as if my dad can be the total opposite of what a parent is supposed to be. maybe they feel like they don't have a choice in being who they are, but you have a choice in how you respond to it. You shouldn't have to deal with their issues, don't let them make your mum make you feel like that. keep strong and talk to people who can help.
Truth is your mom probably does not remember what was said in a drunken stupor, therefore she has nothing to apologize for or to feel badly about. You cannot change her; only she can do that. But perhaps you should think about going out on your own so that you do not have to deal with her on a daily basis. Diva.
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I didn't grow up with an alcoholic, so can't speak from that experience, but being married to one for 18+ years I know how frustrating it is. This is a great place to start, and perhaps once you start living the program and feeling better, your dad will take notice and ask questions. There's always hope. Keep coming back,
