SEPTEMBER 10
>Self-Approval
>
>
>Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get
>approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly
>of us.  We may be afraid people will leave us if they
>disapprove of our actions.  We may look for approval from
>people who have none to give.  We may not know that we're
>lovable now and can learn to approve of ourselves.
>
>########ROSIE....oh yeah,  i was so starved for acceptance to feel SOME worth,  SOME value in this universe.....my early lessons were so negative to my sense of self worth......trying to get mom to love me more than her bottle..........she hurt my self worth with that.....the perp hurt myself worth  showing me that i was just an object for him to gratify his deviant needs......yet i feared abandonment from these people...they were all i had.....god had abandoned me to the perp,   so i was hanging on by a thread.......i was treated worse than any human being should have....and i would perpetuate the abuse towards myself with self abuse.....in their eyes  i never could do anything right......so most of my life i hated me/  wanted to destroy me and almost did with failed suicide attempts........NOW and ONLY now am i learning to love mySELF...to approve of mySELF.....i don't live on someone elses approval to me....its how i feel about me that matters....as long as i know i am doing what is right, and not harming another creature, than i am OK

In order to live happily, to live consistently with the
>way our Higher Power wants us to live, and to tap into a
>way of life that is in harmony with the universe, we need
>to let go of our extreme need for approval.  These unmet
>needs for approval and love from our past give others
>control over us today.  These needs can prevent us from
>acting in our best interest and being true to ourselves.
>

########ROSIE...i am doing that!!!  it was tested this past week when my VERY *poisonous*  brother wrote me a *hate letter*  for changing my name......for not wanting the name of my attacker.....i wrote him back and said   * i did this for ME   for MY reocovery,  for MY healing, and i dont CARE if you like it or not*   i told him basically that i was excersising my RIGHTS as a human being to take care of me  to heal me  to nurture me  and it was just  *too bad if he didn't like it*    i am taking care of ME....MY needs are the most important thing to me,  like i said as long as i am not harming another, i am going to take care of my needs,  and *end of story*....nobody is controlling me anymore....i don't care if this  *toxic human being*   approves of me or not....i cut him loose, and said as much in my reply to him....i told him i  was  *going my way---you go your way*    and i am SO proud of me....i  *let him have it*   without being vicious  without being insulting  or lowering myself to his level.......i just  *told it like it was--- get OVER it if you don't like my name change-- i am STILL heir to estate and you HAVE to pay me-- get OVER it*    i no longer care about other peoples approval....as i  REprogram my mind to loving myself,  it no longer matters to me....if i accidentally  step on someone's boundaries, taking care of me,  i will  do an immeidate   steps  4,5,6,7,8,9   whatEVER i must do to *stay in balance with  hp and the universal scheme of things*

>We can approve of ourselves.  In the end, that's the only
>approval that counts.
>------
>

######ROSIE....AMEN....in the end,  all i got is me,  so i better  have a good relationship with me....giving in to others to please them  ,  those days are OVER!!!!  my  older brother  does not know the new creature i am today...and i know he will never approve of me cause i will  NOT cow tow to him,  let him abuse me,  let him put me down etc.....i will  i  DID   dump him!!!!!   i will NOT allow people who   *do not make me feel good about being me*  into my life....it AINT gonna happen.........

Today, I will let go of my need for approval and my need
>to be liked.  I will replace them with a need to like and
>approve of myself.  I will enjoy the surprise I find when
>I do this.  The people who count, including myself, will
>respect me when I am true to myself.

######ROSIE.....i already DID!!!  i let go the need for  approval outside of myself.....my REAL relationships approve of/ love me.....i like / love and approve of me...and yes,  the people who COUNT, including me,  like and respect me when i am true to ME!!!   my inner child and i get on SO much better cause she KNOWS  i am gonna   *be true to me*

>SEPTEMBER 9
>Perspective
>
>We do not always know why things are happening the way
>they are.  We do not always know how a particular
>relationship will work out.  We do not always understand
>the source of our feelings, why we ve been led down a
>particular path, what is being worked out in us, what we
>are learning, why we needed to recycle, why we had to wait,
>why we needed to go through a time of discipline, or why a
>door closed.   How our present circumstances will work
>into the larger scheme of events is not always clear to us.
>That is how it needs to be.
>
>######ROSIE...oh yeah, control freak that i was i had to know EVERYTHING...how its gonna *turn out*  *why i feel this way*.....*why is this happening to me???*....i have decided to just *have blind faith that it will all turn out ok*   i sill worry, though,   how i am gonna *make it*  as things seem to get harder in this life to *make it*   but there again,  keeping the focus on TODAY,   right NOW,  keeps me from getting the *crazys*....i am trying to just  make good karma now,   not worry about tomorow....

Perspective will come in retrospect.
>
>#####ROSIE....yeah,  most of the time i say   *oh so THAT is why this happened, and it WAS for my best interest*

We could strain for hours today for the meaning of
>something that may come in an instant next year.
>
>######ROSIE....i am trying to not waste my energy trying to  *sort things out*   just take care of me/  work my program/  stay level by focusing on me/ and the present.....

Let it go.  We can let go of our need to figure things
>out, to feel in control.
>
>#######ROSIE...i am learning to  *let go- let god*  i am more at peace by  *casting the burden*....not having to be in control

Now is the time to be.  To feel.  To go through it.  To
>allow things to happen.  To learn.  To let whatever is
>being worked out in us take its course.
>
>#####ROSIE....i call it  *non resistance of the scheme of things*   the more i fight it, the worse it gets.....clearing up the energy, by  *backing off*   even walking away   clears the energy so things can work out---   by  *getting out of the way*   the energy is much more positive.....i am working and doing better at  *going with the flow*...i never fought life and won!! so now i try to  *align*   *cooperate*  with the universal energy....it is working for me

In hindsight, we will know.  It will become clear.  For
>today, being is enough.  We have been told that all things
>shall work out for good in our life.  We can trust that to
>happen, even if we cannot see the place today's events
>will hold in the larger picture.
>------
>######ROSIE....yep,  today/ and being is all i can do today.....it all comes out in the end.....i DECIDED to just have *blind faith that things will work out for the best*..so i do what i can do to take care of me....let the rest go!!!   DETACH......i take care of me,  do what i can,  when i feel the energy resisting  me,  i DETACH

Today, I will let things happen without trying to figure
>everything out.  If clarity is not available to me today,
>I will trust it to come later, in retrospect.  I will put
>simple trust in the truth that all is well, events are
>unfolding as they should, and all will work out for good
>in my life  better than I can imagine.

#######ROSIE....i dont have to know everything to be ok...i figure if it is not revealed to me than its best for me i DONT know......yep,  if i don't see the BIG picture now,  i will when it is right....it takes too much energy and time for me to try and *figure out everything*  i follow my HP,  my instincts,  my intuitions/ feelings....i just follow my *inner*  and get ESH  from my fellow 12 steppers,   TRUSTED and SAFE  family/ friends....i reach out for  esh / feedback if i am not sure.....prayer and meditation.....and than do what i can--- give over the rest.....i know the darkness cannot fight with *nothing*  if i dont' give it any energy,  the universal powers can work on my issues....but i must *get out of the way*.....i QUIT  *struggling with  and resisting life*....................thank you  DONE-------rosie