Hello Roomies,

Just when you think that your alcoholic is as bad as they can get, they get worse.

My "A" has gone up to Alaska twice to crab and was planning on leaving in a few weeks to go again. We made huge plans for the money he was going to be bringing home. We were going to get a new car and pay off all our back debt to clean up our credit so that next year when he came back from Alaska, we were going to money down on a house and property. Well he got a phone call on Friday. He is not going. The company he crabbed with downsized and he was not the only one to lose his job. He has been depressed ever since.

I of course was disapointed when we got the news, after all this was a great oppurtunity to do some catch up, and move forward a few steps. But the amazing thing is that when he called and told me the news, I wasn't angry. I just knew that my HP would take care of me. That my life is in God's hands and that there is a reason why this did not happen. My response to his news really upset my "A". I wasn't being drawn to that negative place with him, and he wanted company while he went to the negative place. That place is no fun to visit, and he seems to want to live there for awhile. So I choose to use my tools that I have been given by this program, and not go to that negative place.

My "A" says he feels guilty because he made promises to me like the new car, and now he can't keep his promises. I told him that there is no way I can be upset with him, because it is not his fault that we can not get the car now. And if I did get upset with him because of this I would be a truly selfish person. But he still feels guilty, another excuse to use! That's all he needs.

I do not own his feelings, I can not control his guilt, and I can not change his feelings. All I can do is be understanding to his disapointment, and be patient with him. His reaction is out of my hands, and not my fault. I know this.

Thanks! I was just thinking out loud, (or not because I typed this )

Much Love,